I have a very on off relationship with making music, I’m pretty average at guitar but I don’t play enough, I know a decent amount about production yet the pirated copy of fl sits on my desktop like a painful reminder. I talk with my partners about music theory and deconstruct songs with them and know all this stuff but I don’t use it, I don’t know why, I’m good at art I think, I mean I’m pretentious enough to do whatever this is so clearly I think I’m ... read more

I first read such a perfect piece at a bad time, as the rain came down and we waited for the taxi I read your review, it meant a lot to me, I sent it to my dear at the time and made my way to the airport. I saw such a big number next to it and saw you as some kind of celeberity, same I did with maddie, but both of you in time became my friends. Every time I managed to squeeze a conversation out of your schedule, everytime you sent a message, I was giddy, I truly enjoyes my time with you dearly, ... read more

Such a manic expression of desire and love was something I was very proud of at the time, in retrospect that review is ok but I do stand by the paragraph, it felt like a return to that first ark on this account, a pure delve into my desprate desire. Well if I WANT YOU TO KILL ME was season two’s ten skies, let this be season two’s are you ok?. Both of you meant so much to me, you still do, so I need you to know how hard it is for me to say I don’t wanna know you, I ... read more

To explain why this was so disappointing I need to talk about this whole art thing and break kayfabe, please stick with me.

Art is a way of communicating what you can't through base language, the vague emotions behind everything with unspecific meaning, the non-conceptual. What is interesting then is making art out of things that fail to express this, words are kinda the antithesis of art in this way, for them to be useful they need a set definition. Well, how do we come to the ... read more

TW// for references to fictionalised self harm, suicidal ideation, and mentions of others pushing past boundaries

Last night I went to a local(ish) school production of “The guy that didn’t like musicals” (was really good btw), then discovered that despite it only being like 8pm, the buses had stopped running so we had to walk to the metro station. I was with a mate and we got to talking about why I had to go hide during the intermission and my smoking, we talked of life, and ... read more

TW// Discussions of Suicide, Suicidal intent, Sexual themes, Self hatred, and general il mental health

The Greek Tragedy In Action
𝓘 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷.
𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓮.
𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾.
𝓣𝓱𝓮 ... read more

The time is 2:04am, I’m sitting in bed, the mindless tire of waiting for my girlfriend to awake is eating at me, I just sit on reels and slowly grow to despise myself. So I’m gonna not do that, I’m gonna write in the middle of a 2am depressive episode and if this is good I’ll put it out, god I feel like I can finally write again.

I’ve given up on fighting addiction recently, in something coming out later I’ll talk about why but point is right now, I need a ... read more

I see two paths ahead of me, there is too much emotion waiting to be felt, go back to feeling nothing, accept depression. Or I can accept mania, I can feel it all, spiral out into a crying mess on my floor, at that point my end is obvious. Respectively die like orange does, or die like orange wants to, ↓16 or ↓15, neither is favourable, the middle path is where I survive, but I fear I'm not given an option.

sorry for trauma dumping

Samlrc in 2022

I’m worried this account has made a caricature of me, that all of the people that read these and don’t know me, all three of you, only read my worst thoughts, all my writings on here are mining trauma (or bits) so I’m gonna change that. On one hand Monica is someone I have only known for several weeks, on the other hand she is someone that knows me so deeply, so absolutely, she could probably predict my actions in any situation accurately. Where previously love ... read more

TW// Suicide Attempt

I can remember it vividly, a mount that fell out of chronology;
"s,, sorry, for, everything" they said to me, they didn't usually say things to me, especially not without prompting
"hey, no, look,, you're ok, it's ok" they looked to be crying now
they held me for a perfect moment, of everything, even though they bullied me, even though they called me slurs, even though I'd go home with bruises from when they hit me, it was ok
I, I ... read more

something about this project scared me, back in the day I used to listen to a lot of lowertown and starry cat but they really didn't help me cope with life, so I moved on to (admittedly not much better) CSH and sewerslvt. There's a part of me that I left behind there, I think I idolise her, she was scared but not weird about it, she was anxious but functioned despite it, she was trans but let her parents ignore that (even tho she'd come out three different times at this point ... read more

TW// transphobia and suicidal ideation

I took my last tablet of e today, the gender clinic I go to is three hours out of town and meant to service a completely different city than mine, but it’s the only one in my state. That is until a new clinic opened in the centre of my city, the biggest city in my state, and everyone closer to it than my previous clinic was immediately transferred to this new clinic. I was supposed to have a telehealth appointment with my old clinic about two weeks ... read more

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If you want a genuine review you're kinda in the wrong place, I don’t really know how to write about this album like this without just talking about myself, it’s quiet ambient is begging me to think about my own life. If that’s not enough of a recommendation for this album, it may be some of Avery’s best work, although I haven’t heard all of her discography so take it with a grain of salt. The day this came out I had been working on maths extension work for ... read more

All around a great addition to her discography, Section A is this lovely little piece that feels like I'd here it in some local youth gig blowing everything else out of the water. Section B made me feral, it sounds like if Car seat Headrest was folk and also still good, the build in the end reminded my of Eldritch Epilogue. The three project run between samlrc and cybercrashersTV of A Lonely Sinner, ETHEREAL ECLIPSE, and now this ep seems almost in conversation, the trip from finding your ... read more

tw// suicidal ideation and intent, SA, SH

I’d been i̶d̶e̶a̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ idealising suicide for a while at this point, I just wanted a fucking break man. I never get a break, how can you have a break when you constantly being reprimanded for stopping work, how can you have a break where he sits behind me telling me I’m wasting my time my potential, that my best wasn’t good enough and that he wished that industrious fuckwit of a son was back. I remember, almost a year ago, ... read more