Craigold

Brass-faced Walter was a good friend of mine back in the 1970s. He had a goldish skin tone, a square-like head, and wore a deep maroon hoodie with a thick copper zipper. He had broad shoulders and stood a staggering six and a half feet tall. We would go fishing together on weekends, and while I was out working or conducting experiments in my garage, he was always on strange expeditions. Walter always used to tell me about his trips, but there was always something off about these tales, as if he ... read more

As a hardcore hustler, it's no doubt that I'd acquire a hefty payload, but look at how my wealth has skyrocketed. I'm practically living in a mansion of gold at this point. Yours truly is sitting on a net worth of 83 billion dollars, and that number just keeps rising! How did I get ahold of all this money? Just your ordinary hustler activities, of course; up charging people in the ass for printer ink; stealing already profitable businesses and claiming them as my own; being born to rich parents ... read more

Bonjour, ahem, h-heillo, I am famous 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓱 artisté Cráigold K. Robert, and today I will be painting, or possibly teaching you, reader, how to paint a pretty 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓱 sunset. First we find ouiselves a wooden stool, maybe Pedunculate oak seat would fit you, ah ha, I digress. You shall want yourself a 𝘗𝘦𝘥𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦 easel, a palette, a peu pinceaux, maybe even that stool I was talking about. For le paints, you will need ... read more

This year, my parents finally invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. It had been 3 years since they last invited me, but I have finally regained their trust. In 2018, the last time I was there, I had burned the turkey, and bathed my dad in steaming cranberry sauce, but this year, that will not happen again. I packed my bags and drove to Chicago O'Hare airport, and I flew all the way down to Atlanta, where my parents live. My flight was comfortable, as I finally got to spend my AOTY cash on first ... read more