Craigold

It's April 30th, and DJ Khaled has released his... Shit, how many albums does this guy have? Besides the point. Today is the day: I will meet DJ Khaled. I was headed on my way to Miami anyways, so this would be the perfect pitstop. I pulled my Cadillac El Dorado next to a fountain of what I presume to be Khaled peeing. What a strange entrance, but this was Khaled, so what do I expect. And look at what we have here, some security guards. I told them that I was a fan of DJ Khaled's music since my ... read more

I'm a J-walker, and I'm proud. The law is always pestering me use the crosswalks, but what do I look like? A pussy? Well, you are what you eat after all. I don't ONLY J-walk though, I play frogger on the highways. I've only been hit 2 times, and look at how I came out: completelyyyyy fineee. I can scientifically prove that I'm the ballsiest pedestrian in my town... By jumping from a bridge onto a busy freeway. And I'm going to do it right now...!
So now, I've arrived at the The Lilac Road ... read more

Fuk you Creggold. Your reviews are as pointless as your existence on this platform. You don't even write about the music. Instead, you just slap a 100 on anything remotely good and talk about sex. I'm sick of your lazy shitposting on this super serious music rating website. Every time you write a nonsensical piece of satire on here, it makes a part of me die. I remember when this site was about sharing your musickal taste and writing essays on why In The Aeroplane Over The Sea is the greatest ... read more

Happy EASTER 🎉🎉 you snow 🐰🐰🐰 BUNNY hoes! It’s time to HOP 🏃‍♂️ over to DADDY’s ⛪️ CHURCH so he can fuck 😩😩 u like a RABBIT. Be sure to ride that COCK 🍆🍆 until your EASTER BASKET is full of EGGS 🥚🥚🥚 and DADDIES CUMMIES 💦💦💖. After that u better BUNNY hop your way to GOD’s 🙌 house so the PASTOR😄🤵 can tell u to get on your KNEES until you’re FORGIVEN in the EYES👁👁 of the LORD⛪. JESUS👼 is ... read more