Last year, I moved into a house that was constructed in the early 30s. Actually, it was my late grandfather's home, but he passed years and years ago. Every time I slept, I felt a little uneasy, as if something was watching me. Every trip to the shower was eventually going to turn into a spirit-induced panic attack. I knew I was being haunted, it just had to be. I typically cover myself in salt-based oils before I go to sleep to protect me from the undead, but during my stay at my grandfathers humble abode, the oils never worked. I had daily night terrors. The night demons would touch my butt and give me little kisses all over my stomach. They would even attempt to pleasure me anally, but the hell spawn would vanish without a trace before it ever made it that far. One time, when I was getting ready to take a bath, I saw a translucent, spectacled, bearded old man sitting in my tub. Of course, once the phantom had seen my magnificent testicles floating in the wind, he disappeared forever. Occasionally, reports of mailmen going missing in my neighborhood happened, but, since that doesn't effect me and my beautiful home, I disregarded it as just another terrorist organization who hates message paper doing what they needed to eradicate underpaid employees. That was the case until I realized what my grandfather was doing from the afterlife. My grandfather was the cause of all this sexual harassment. My own lineage was the terrorists all along! How did I figure this out? Because my grandfather was known around the town as the "Homo-incest supporter", which is ironic, considering he condemned heterosexual incest. Should've been obvious from the start though, huh?