The Chainsmokers - Memories...Do Not Open
Nov 26, 2018 (updated Dec 6, 2020)
29
The Series of Truth - Review 6:
DISCLAIMER: This review may have conflicting areas.

3.11.19:
I used to have mixed opinions on this album, but now it’s gotten to the point where it is now unbearable. So now, I have to make this into a negative review. There’s so many inconsistencies occurring on this album. Allow me to explain. First off, the lyrical content is very subpar. For example, “Break Up Every Night” has very boring ass lyrics. This may be off topic, but I actually think that this mediocre song could be eligible to be another theme song to a modern Disney Channel show. Next up, Andrew Taggert does have a decent voice, but ruins his spotlight by deciding not to bring a lot of vocal energy or power to the table. Not to mention, but some of the collaborators don’t fit well with this project. For example, Emily Warren doesn’t have enough personality for this project, and her contributions to “My Type” is the most bland and boring sound that’s on the entire album with no questions asked whatsoever; Jhené Aiko does have a soothing voice, but her focus on the song “Wake Up Alone” does not match her full potential, and the topic she sings about is too vague; and finally, Florida Georgia Line does poorly on the closing track “Last Day Alive.” FGL used to be good, but ever since they featured on here, their quality has taken a nosedive as well. Tyler takes a quiet approach to the point where the vocal mix is too low. That’s where hope for FGL has been lost. (Don’t worry. I’m proud to say that their new album Can’t Say I’m Country is so god awful.) Alex does a good job on instrumentation on most of the tracks, but on “Break Up Every Night,” it sounds too generic and too fast. In conclusion, it’s just bland happy music. I do enjoy happy music occasionally, but I think this album doesn’t fit the case. Imagine having the sun out, in which the sun represents upbeat & happy vibes, but with this album, I feel like the sunlight is too bright for me to withstand; and by that, I’m probably going to be blind to the overexposure if I repeatedly listened to it. Oh wait. I forgot. The album was the box the whole time. I therefore recommend that you should avoid contact with this album.
[original score: 46]

6.28.20:
Oh shit. I just remembered that this album exists. I listened to it again, and apparently, it’s actually worse than I remembered. I think this might be the epitome of fake deep music. Worse than AJR. I can’t believe that one shitty album was responsible for opening the pits of hell that defined the terrible charting radio music that plagued the latter half of the last decade.
I remember in 2017, when I was a normie, and I really wish that my younger self realized that everything that the album presented was as shallow as a kiddie pool. Now that I have been cured from the trance, I can now say that this is a pure dumpster fire. This album is one of the reasons why I stopped listening to the radio. It’s just that terrible. Some of the points above still stand, but I actually feel surprised that the older review really fits well with the new score, so fuck it. This album is terrible. I’m sick and tired of hearing these emotionless tales.
My name is pretentious cunt number 65, and in conclusion, we should’ve thrown the box into the gulag so we could’ve never encountered fake deep shit like this. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

TRACKS RANKED:

1. It Won’t Kill Ya (feat. Louane) - 6.4375/10
2. Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - 5.1666/10
3. Paris - 4.625/10
4. The One - 3.8333/10
5. Bloodstream - 3.75/10
6. Wake Up Alone (feat. Jhené Aiko) - 3.041666/10
7. Don’t Say (feat. Emily Warren) - 2.625/10
8. Honest - 1.75/10
9. Young - 1.5/10
10. Last Day Alive (feat. Florida Georgia Line) - 1.25/10
11. Break Up Every Night - 0.5/10
12. My Type (feat. Emily Warren) - 0.3125/10

OFF-TOPIC; I’m thinking of ditching the idea of presenting the song scores, and I think I want to bring back the “BEST TRACKS “ & “LEAST FAVORITE TRACKS” tiers, because I seen a lot of you being confused with my rating system. Let’s close the box.
1 Comment
Nov 25, 2020
You tellin me? This album is painful. Great review.
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