Twin Fantasy (Face to Face)

I’m struggling not to cry, and I’m in a crazy whirlwind of thoughts right now. I am bisexual. I’ve known that I’m bisexual for a while, but haven’t had the courage to tell people about it, especially not in real life. Like I’ve said in my In Rainbows review, I’ve always felt like I’ve never been accepted. I could play sports and stuff just like the rest. I could make good grades, just like the rest. But all throughout elementary school, I’ve never had anyone I could call a real friend. Someone I could talk to. Someone to relate to.

In middle school, I only ever had three real friends. One of them moved away, and two of them are ex-girlfriends. One of my exes cheated on me and dumped me for a football player who bullied me all throughout my time at the school.

High school was where I finally started to get more real friends…for three weeks. I moved away to a different part of our area, so I had to start from square one. Knowing our quarantine wouldn’t end until the end of the month, I’ve felt isolated and lonely.

Then me and @TherynsReviews wound up in a stream together, and although we’ve never met and will possibly never meet in real life, he felt (and feels) like a real friend to me. He was the first friend ever that I could relate to.

And then we have the part of the review that made me scared to review it in the first place. I discovered I was bi a few weeks after my first day at the school I transferred to, and here’s where things get messy. My current school is the most conservative school in my area, which meant I’d find that 95% of the non-LGBT people at my school have those kinds of beliefs. A lot of them are homophobic, and I’ve gotten my ass kicked over rumors that I’m gay or bisexual.

The only people I’ve made friends with at my new school are band kids and random people, and they’re the only ones who understand my situation. I’ve been bullied regardless.

On the online world, it’s a completely different story, especially in music communities like this one. I feel more understood by the internet than in real life, and I’ve seen people get supported when they came out as any sexuality.

I have another review opening up on my mental health coming whoever knows when. It’ll be a sad one, so my review will never be for the faint of heart.

Now for the music part……

I relate to this album so much it’s hard for me not to see it as something so special. I love everything about this album, down to the last note.

“My Boy,” the first song on the album, describes Will Toledo’s romantical relationship with another person, and assures that they won’t be alone.

“Beach Life-in-Death” is one of the two songs on the album that are over ten minutes long. Like “My Boy,” it describes Will Toledo’s relationship.

“Stop Smoking (We Love You)” is one of the easier songs to interpret. It describes Will simply telling his partner to quit smoking.

“Sober to Death” is the most relatable song ever to me. This one describes Will Toledo struggling to help someone dealing with mental health in a long distance relationship.

“Nervous Young Inhumans” can be summed with this: “I am a good person. I am a powerful person. I don't believe in evil. I think that evil is an idea created by others to avoid dealing with their own nature. I understand my own nature. Good and evil have nothing to do with it. I understand myself. I control myself. I control everything within myself. My domain is my domain. I can lie on my back and affect the lives of those I love without moving a finger. But I would only affect them in good ways. I don't waste time on evil. I'm a good person.”

“Bodys” is the second most relatable song ever for me. It describes Will’s nervousness causing him to struggle to speak his mind and getting people to understand him. It’s also full of existential themes.

“Cute Thing” has numerous lyric changes, notably in the first post-chorus. Dan Bejar and John Entwistle were replaced by Frank Ocean and James Brown, with a reference to Stanley Kubrick and “Eyes Wide Shut” removed.

“High to Death” describes Will Toledo’s addictions to marijuana, and how the desire to get high basically consumes him. There are also references to an earlier track on the album, with Will failing to get his partner to quit smoking. Will realizes that all he can do is support his partner and show them love.

“Famous Prophets (Stars)” is the only other song on the album that is over 10 minutes long. It’s also the climax of the album, with a lot of desperation and emotional confusion. Will’s fantasy is broken and he can finally see the truth despite how much it would hurt him.

“Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)” is the closer of the album. In this particular song, “the sun” is the reality and he is able to finally see it, breaking the fantasy in the previous track. However, the reality is pessimistic.

Thank you all so much for reading through this review. It’s been a lot to get through, and I’ve finally gotten this off my chest.

Favorite: Sober to Death
Least Favorite: N/A