Jaden - ERYS
Jul 5, 2019
30
💩👎

Y'know it's a slow album week when somehow Jaden Smith's album is the one getting the most attention. Honestly, I really don't have much to say. This felt so pointless! I'd say you should check out...PipePanic, Oreox4, _zeltrxn17, or literally anyone else if you're looking for an on-topic ERYS review.

In the meantime, I'm just gonna talk about my ass (STORYTIME)...

So here in Canada, we've been having like a mini-heatwave situation. Yes, this is indeed a rare phenomenon cause we all live in igloos, so it's a big deal. I chose the wrong time to go hiking and exploring my city's waterfalls. The morning sun was burning hot and cooking all the living organisms! Luckily, a little bit of rain and thunderstorms in the afternoon made it a lot more cool, the perfect chance to go cherry-picking!

I was basically sweating all day! Y'know when you sweat and feel uncomfortable, your body really starts itching? At first, I thought it was mosquitoes, but then my ass started itching, REALLY BADLY! It got to the point where I had to sneak in a few scratches while in public. I was as sneaky as I can, cause this was already embarrassing enough.

All of this ass-scratching and ass-itching has reminded me of just how much of a tumor this album really is. It's irritating. ERYS clearly has some ambition, but it's mainly Jaden Smith piggybacking off of other people's sounds and fabricating a generic replica. The production is just there, like that itch on my ass.

Meanwhile, I got back home and took a big shit. It smelled DISGUSTING! Sometimes, when you take a shit, it's a good one and sometimes, it smells and your ass is so dirty you have to use more toilet paper than usual. ERYS has its great moments, but its repeatedly smothered by the dirty shit on your toilet paper. For example, Tyler had a great verse on NOIZE, but my man just had to rhyme "sarcasm" with "orgasm". It stuck out like a dirty piece of shit that sits above the water line of your toilet!

So, I think it's fair to say that ERYS is pretty 💩. Honestly, despite all the disgusting things about the ass, it's essential for your survival. Without your ass, all that shit in your body will just stay there and then you die cause you can't even excrete shit! ERYS, meanwhile, is my ass if it was useless.

If I had to choose between listening to ERYS for 24 hours straight or get smothered by my disgusting shit all over my body, I'd choose the latter.

Gosh, I feel so DIRTY right now! I'm gonna go and take a long shower.
11 Comments
Jul 5, 2019
NOIZE is a fucking banger! I think the "sarcasm" and "orgasm" rhyme makes it better in an odd way. It's so hilariously dumb that I can't get it out of my head
Jul 5, 2019
I loved this album. So heat it almost melted my igloo.
Jul 5, 2019
@Jebus How is your igloo still alive after all the heat?! My entire ice castle evaporated this morning! :(
Jul 5, 2019
@Inglume Varnish
Jul 6, 2019
thanks for the shoutout!
Jul 6, 2019
see i live in newfoundland and here summer doesn't exist so haha get L'd noob
Jul 6, 2019
I would prefer not to hear a story about your bottom, thank you very much.
Jul 6, 2019
That shoutout tho. Thanks bruh!
Jul 6, 2019
Thank you for the shout out, this was such a entertaining read
Jul 7, 2019
This was great lmao
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