Ranked: Ho Binge

My girlfriend gave me a bunch of heavy and loud recommendations in a list form. I rated, ranked and listened to them all, and here is the ranking for your viewing pleasure!

Warning: There are a couple of Hot Takes on this list, so be sure to go into this with a open mind, and this list is subject to change over time!

Original List: https://www.albumoftheyear.org/user/cljesse/list/23382/pipes-hoe-binge/

Skinny Puppy - Too Dark Park
1.
98
Verdict: Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit! This is one of the better industrial albums I've heard in a very, VERY long time, and I swear it gets better with nearly every new listen. It's a beautiful chaotic mess, of thunderous production and horrific, swirling instrumentation that feels like a kamikaze being played in real time. And my god, is it amazing to witness! Please, listen to this is you have even an inkling of interest in industrial music!

Favorite Jams: Spasmolytic, T.F.W.O., Tormentor

Lest Favorite: I...legit don't have one!
Femme Fatale - From the Abundance of the Heart, the Mouth Speaks
2.
97
Verdict: My brain is chopped off and my dick's on fire. This has so much punch my face hurts. This album trips you up, laughs at you for tripping up, and then pushes you into a wormhole. It goes by at such a brisk pace that basically by the time that you have thought 'Oh, I know where this is going!', it changes up and becomes something differently unique. And by the time I wrote this, it was already over. Goddamn, this is a rush!

Favorite Jams: Party Tonight, Into Dust, I Talk With My Hands

Lest Favorite: At The Altar
The God Machine - One Last Laugh in a Place of Dying
3.
95
Verdict: While much more low-key and slower than I'm used to, this is a slice of vibe pie that feels dense, thick and powerful. The positives boil down to me loving its dense, full and thick sound, like watching a wondering desert. It's an album that I want to pop on before bed and just vibe to a blissful sleep, with this album leaving me with something that I would call a full experience. It broods and festers within itself, and I love it for that. It's lush, big, grand and everything I'd want to hear from this type of sound. Goddamn!

Favorite Jams: The Devil Song, The Hunter, Boy by the Roadside

Lest Favorite: In Bad Dreams
Meth. - Mother of Red Light
4.
93
Verdict: Holy Cunt. This is some Holy Cunt music, being giant, thunderous and genuinely menacingly evil at times to the point where when I was listening to this album, I had to stop and reset my brain because it kept leaking out. This is technical, heavy, thunderous and truly overbearing with the entire tracklist being coated in dread and chaos. If you're into this kind of music: by god is it so much fun! It's so blistering in its execution, while still being varied enough to know exactly HOW to destroy you the best way possible.

Meth is exactly what the drug is: fucking evil.

Favorite Jams: Psalm of Life, Child of God, Return Me (My Body)

Lest Favorite: Inbred
Thursday - A City by the Light Divided
5.
91
Verdict: By far my favorite Thursday project, it combines the thick and emotional songwriting that Thursday are known for and makes their sound as complete and full as possible. It's an in your face and extremely snappy record that has a lot of grit and punch to it, while still maintaining its 'accessibility'. Plus, it features Thursday's best material bar none. If you want a place to start with this band, you can't go wrong if this is your starting point!

Favorite Jams: Running From The Rain, Autumn Leaves Revisited, Telegraph Avenue Kiss

Lest Favorite: At This Velocity
Breach - Kollapse
6.
90
Verdict: This slapped waaaay more then I expected it to.

This is dense, thick and distorted Post-Hardcore that is way more airy, atmospheric and huge-sounding than a lot of stuff that was coming out in the 2000s. When it goes to punch, it punches so goddamn hard that it basically breaks your spine, and when it goes to comfort, it's like an uncomfortable hug from a Dad, as you know something is around the corner that will wreck your day. Do. Not. Sleep. On. This.

Favorite Jams: Lost Crew, Teeth Out, Big Strong Boss

Lest Favorite: Sphincter Ani
Envy - All the Footprints You've Ever Left and the Fear Expecting Ahead
7.
89
Verdict: I'll be Goddamned if this wasn't a blast!

This thing is uniquely euphoric in the sense that everything here sounds so emotional and earnest, while still being extremely hard-hitting and heavy. Every hit sounds powerful and deep, with some of the best production that this style of songwriting can muster. It's one of the albums I would show to people to get them into post-hardcore music, and if you haven't heard it by now, then get on that!

Favorite Jams: Lies, And Release From Silence, Your Shoes and The World to Come, A Cage It Falls Into

Lest Favorite: Zero
Envy - A Dead Sinking Story
8.
89
Verdict: Envy improve on their sonic qualities, and the lengthier song writing creates a much more satisfying and huge-sounding record in general. Basically, this is a record that has the slaps, has the weight to back up those slaps, and has such a dense mood that it is hard to not be swept away from it. Dense, captivating, and just a good, thick time all around!

Favorite Jams: Chain Wandering Deeply, Unrepairable Gentleness, A Will Remains in the Ashes

Lest Favorite: Evidence
Today Is The Day - Willpower
9.
88
Verdict: Well, the album title is not wrong. This has a LOT of Willpower behind it!

What this is a super memorable noise rock that plays on the darkness and density of its own sound while also maintaining an identifiable personality, and if you know me, when this started playing, I was screaming "Who am I signing my soul over to again?!", because I was having a BALL! This is one of the more fun ones in the binge, and it couldn't have hit HARDER!

Favorite Jams: Golden Calf, Willpower, Promised Land

Lest Favorite: Amazing Grace (Ha?)
Thursday - War All the Time
10.
88
Verdict: This is the point that I think Thursday absolutely NAILED the sound that they were crafting during their last two records. It's energetic, it's in your face, it's emotional and it's beautifully chaotic!

Favorite Jams: Division St., Tomorrow I'll Be You, Marches and Maneuvers

Lest Favorite: This Song Brought To You By A Falling Bomb
Car Bomb - Meta
11.
87
Verdict: This is Pro Algebra Music.

If you like your metal heavy, technical and very (and I mean VERY) Djenty, then this should be mandatory listening. It's caked with head-destroying riffs, absolutely perfect production and head-scratching time signatures that'll force you to do school work for the first time in years. It might not be for everyone (If you don't like Djent, then run for the Goddamn Hills) but for fans of bands like Dillinger Escape Plan, Messugah and Loathe, then please take a look at this and destroy your neck.

Favorite Jams: Gratitude, Constant Sleep, Infinite Sun

Lest Favorite: Sets
Shellac - 1000 Hurts
12.
87
Verdict: The punch that this record has is absolutely astonishing. Shellac knows how to use very little to create a lot, just using the bare essentials to make some of the punchiest and mean set of tracks I've heard in a good long while, which is to be expected from a Steve Albini project. It's blunt, in your face and doesn't let up for a second, but knows how to use space to stomp your teeth in. If there is no quiet, there is no punch, and Shellac know EXACTLY how to provide that. Put this one on for a pummeling session.

Favorite Jams: Shoe Song, Prayer to God, Watch Song

Lest Favorite: Canaveral
The Number Twelve Looks Like You - Wild Gods
13.
86
Verdict: Why the everloving piss did I not listen to this when it came out?!

This thing is batshit goofy in the best way possible being super crunchy and super batty all in one breath. Good god, this thing is....it's just nuts! There is really no other way to describe it apart from nutty fun that is insanely fun. Don't get it twisted: this might be one of the most slept on records of 2019.

Favorite Track: Last Laughter, Rise Up Mountain, Gallery of Thrills

Lest Favorite: Of Fear
Portraits Of Past - 01010101
14.
85
Verdict: Fix your Spotify damn it.

I don't really have a lot to say about this album apart from that it has exquisite punch. Most of these albums on this list do a super hard-hitting and aggressive sound super well, and this album is no exception. It's aggressive, it's destructive, it kicks you in the face and doesn't slow down to catch it's breathe. And while it doesn't leave me with a lot to say, this gets a recommendation if you want some really tasty post-hardcore, especially if you want good recommendations from the genre, and at such a brisk pace? You'd be a fool not to try it!

Favorite Jams: Implications of a Sinkhole, KQED Equals Volvo, Snicker Snicker

Lest Favorite: The Outlook Is Bleak
Helmet - Meantime
15.
84
Verdict: This is some groovy and dancey-ass metal music that has so much personality and in-your-face energy that it's hard not getting excited when this album is on! One thing this album nails is the goddamn bass, being so jumpy, dancey and pounding, all at the same, infectious time! It's the musical equivalent to the dive bar scene from The Spongebob SquarePants Movie, with the 36 minutes flying by in a groovy, red, angry blitz. Chuck this on if you want to vibe with fury!

Favorite Jams: Iron Head, He Feels Bad, FBLA II

Lest Favorite: You Borrowed
The Number Twelve Looks Like You - Mongrel
16.
84
Verdict: While not as full or as crazy as 'Wild Gods', this record from The Number Twelve Looks Like You is just as fun, combining unique and crazy songwriting with technically insane riffs that make for both a head-scratching and insanely fun record that blasts you in the face with its own personality to create something that is so fun and lively and happy.

The lead singer does sound like angry Spongebob though and I don't know how to feel.

Favorite Jams: Grandfather, Paper Weight Pigs, The Weekly Wars

Lest Favorite: El Piñata de la Muerte
The Blood Brothers - ...Burn, Piano Island, Burn
17.
83
Verdict: This is music to stub your toe to. It's super energetic, super in your face and hyper personalized, with such a 'suck my dick,' energy that I cannot get enough of! It's a blast to rush through this assault of a record! Plus, The Shame hits peak music.

Favorite Jams: The Shame, Cecilia and the Silhouette Saloon, Every Breath is a Bomb

Lest Favorite: Guitarmy
Poison The Well - Tear from the Red
18.
83
Verdict: This. Shit. Goes. So. Hard! While I wasn't a fan of their EP that I heard before this, this album goes so incredibly hard that it is just straight up bangers after bangers for the entire run. But at the same time, the band has so much versatility that they can handle slower moments, so when they come back for the punch, it's so so so satisfying. Seriously, if you need a bop, this is the bop!

Favorite Jams: Botchla, Moments over Exaggerate, Parks and What You Meant to Me

Lest Favorite: Kersey Street
Hopesfall - The Satellite Years
19.
82
Verdict: Vibes accentuate.

This record is one of the more dense on the list, combining post-hardcore riffs with shoegaze production, and it is an absolute treat on the ears. Everything here is super dense, super sticky and exactly what the cover implies: super spacey. The vibes on this record are really strong, giving a earthy yet extremely spaced-out feel to the entire record, while still feeling punchy. Everything here just sticks, and it's a treat to listen to!

Favorite Jams: Only the Clouds, Dead in Magazines, Decoys Like Curves

Lest Favorite: Redshift
These Arms Are Snakes - Oxeneers or the Lion Sleeps When Its Antelope Go Home
20.
81
Verdict: I really don't have a lot to say apart from this is super punchy, super exciting, and super fun Post-Hardcore music that deserves to be ranked ultra-loud when you need something to headbang to! It's a punch to the face and honestly, that's all you really need.

Favorite Jams: Big News, Greetings from the Great North Woods

Lest Favorite: Tracing
Poison The Well - The Opposite of December
21.
80
Verdict: See my Tear from the Red verdict, but speed it up and drop a lot of the versatility. Its not a horrible drop off in quality, like at all, its just in comparison, it feels a little weaker.

Favorite Jam: Slice Paper Wrists, Artists Rendering of Me, Mid Air Love Message

Lest Favorite: Nerdy
Thursday - Full Collapse
22.
80
Verdict: This album is strangely more vibey than any of the Thrusday records that would come after, and while that isn't exactly what I go to Thursday for, it's still a super fun time with strong songwriting and punchy riffs that cannot be denied as one of the leaders in 2000s post-hardcore.

Favorite Jams: A Hole in the World, How Long Is the Night?, Paris In Flames

Lest Favorite: A0001
Moss Icon - Lyburnum Wits End Liberation Fly
23.
77
Verdict: Now that's some classic ass Post-Hardcore!

This is a super fun listen that feels like a very necessary record in the development of this kind of sound. It's fun, punchy and filled with some amazing tracks. Not much to say, this is just some classic-ass Post-Hardcore music that I had a lot of fun with!

Favorite Jams: Lyburnum Wits End Liberation Fly, Happy (Unbounded Glory), The Life

Lest Favorite: As Afterwards The Words Still Ring
Alexisonfire - Alexisonfire
24.
75
Verdict: While this album does have some pretty cool moments on it, I just don't really see all that much in terms of what it does within the genre that makes Alexisonfire an exceptionally good post-hardcore group in comparison to everything else I've heard on the list.

Favorite Jams: .44 Caliber Love Letter, Pulmonary Archery, The Kennedy Curse

Lest Favorite: Water Wings (And Other Poolside Fashion Faux Pas)
Black Eyes - Black Eyes
25.
74
Verdict: Really not much to say here, this is just a super fun time! Very technical, very eccentric and very punchy (take a shot every time that I say the word punch), super fun, but that being said, while it's fun...yeah that's about it. I don't really have much to say about it, but it is a good time!

Favorite Jams: Deformative, Letter to Raoul Peck, Someone has His Fingers Broken

Lest Favorite: On The Sacred Side
The Fall Of Troy - The Fall of Troy
26.
68
Verdict: Yep. This is definitely some Post-Hardcore music. For sure. Pretty decent Post-Hardocre that is fun to listen to in the moment, but you could say that about a lot of music on this list which is more compelling....yep. Sorry Abel!

Favorite Jams: What Sound Does a Mastadon Make?, Rockstar Nailbomb!, The Last March of The Ents

Lest Favorite; Spartacus
Q and Not U - No Kill No Beep Beep
27.
67
Verdict: While not a stand-out in the list for me, this is a sweet, fun and peppy time that I can see a lot of people liking if they were more into this kind of style. It's got a lot of bounce, the guitar playing here is really good, but for me this just doesn't connect with me in the way a lot of these other albums were. Not a favorite of mine, but it's still a decent romp with fun riffs and a light-hearted energy that I can see fans of this style being in love with. But for me personally, it's just kinda in one ear, out the other

Favorite Jams: Hooray for Humans, We Heart Our Hive

Lest Favorite: Lil' Sparky
The Blood Brothers - This Adultery Is Ripe
28.
66
Verdict: While I think that Blood Brothers would find their sound later in their career I'd say this is at least a fun time and at only 21 minutes it's not a bad time at all. It's mostly just meh at times and I get very, very bored of this album quite quickly.

Favorite Jams: Doctor! Doctor!, This Adultery is Ripe, Time for Tenderness

Lest Favorite: James Brown
Thrice - Vheissu
29.
62
Verdict: Sorry, but this album is essentially in one ear and out the other for me. There is not a lot here that is super memorable if I'm being perfectly honest. It's nice to hear in the moment, but it becomes really, REALLY forgettable really quickly.

Favorite Jams: Uh...Image of the Invisible?

Lest Favorite: Uh....Atlantic
1
Comments
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1y
well detailed list
1y
Really liking these short form reviews, 29 new Pipe reviews in one list 😳 Anyways great list!
1y
@Toasterqueen12 blame charlise gang
1y
You could have called it Bitch Binge for the alliteration but you didn't smh
1y
based but also i will never forgive you for the fall of troy rating

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