Ranked: Weezer

Big Weezer Moment!

Is the binge worth it? Answer: God, I wish I could recommend Weezers discography more. There are some great, and I mean GREAT records. Hell, there are some records that I would say are overhated! But...yeah the bad shit is really, REALLY bad, and I'm sorry but I cannot recommend it whole heartedly. Sorry Weezer Stans!

5 Favorite Jams: The Angel And The One, Only In Dreams, Undone - The Sweater Song, Slob, The Futurescope Trilogy

Weezer - Maladroit
1.
93
Verdict: Yes, this is a hot take having this as my favorite Weezer album. No, I don't care.

Not only does it contain what I would say is their best production, combining the distorted and punchy hit of the guitars with the sweet, polished and accessable production found on The Green Album, but the songwriting here is by far some of Weezer's most memorable. While I think hoping for an album as consistent has The Blue Album is going to be a long dead pipe dream, this album I feel makes a contender for some of the most fun and inventive set of tracks that Weezer have ever made. It's fun, it's frantic and it's crazy entertaining. It's by far Weezer's most fun realese with also packing some emotional wait to it as well, and for someone who comes to Weezer to have fun? This packs a mighty punch.

Favorite Track: Slob

Lest Favorite: Possibilities
Weezer - Pinkerton
2.
91
Verdict: Weezer is sad and horny.

Pinkerton is one of those albums that's legacy precedes it, being labeled as one of, if not the most important Weezer album to be properly released. It's praises have been sung all the way to the ends of the earth, and while it is only slightly overhyped, it's still really great. Showing a lot more emotive songwriting from River Cuomo, it's a really honest and raw album for Weezer of all people to come out with, with explosive instrumentation and lightning-in-a-bottle recording styles to create a record that feels truly special in Weezers catalogue.

Favorite Track: No Other One

Lest Favorite: Butterfly
Weezer - Songs From the Black Hole
3.
89
Verdict: Wait...WHY wasn't this released again?

Seriously, this album is actually really, really solid, especially since it's basically complied out of bits and bops from different Weezer B-Sides and home recordings. The conceptual sci-fi love ballad suit fits well onto Weezers pop-rock body, feeling like something that 'The Protomen' or goofier pop rock bands like 'I Fight Dragons' got inspired from. It's goofy, yeah, but the songs themselves lend themselves to the same punch that was found on an album like Pikerton, but less "I hate myself" and more "I hate myself IN SPACE!". Overall, if you can find a copy of this on Bandcamp, give it a listen. And Weezer?

Please release this. Please?

Favorite Track: Longtime Sunshine

Least Favorite: Dude, We're Finally Landing
Weezer - Weezer (Blue Album)
4.
88
STARTING POINT!!!

Verdict: Banger Central.

Goddamn this album has so many Alt-Rock Bangers! Literally every track here is catchy, fun and insanely memorable, and while it might be missing the emotional punch that a record like Pinkerton has, it still maintains one of the most consistent debut records of ever! It's sweet, catchy nerd-rock that doesn't take itself too seriously and brings a giant smile on my face every time I listen to it.

Favorite Track: Only In Dreams

Lest Favorite: The World Has Turned And Left Me Here
Weezer - Weezer (White Album)
5.
82
Verdict: Beachzer.

When Weezer go in a more pop centric sound, I always hope that it sounds like an album like this. This album is just a big dose of fun, from front to back. It's got the euphoric hooks, the crunchy guitar work and the fun, quirky lyricism that reminds me a lot of the youthful Blue Album-era spire that Weezer usually seems to desperate to reconnect with. It's proof that Weezer can still make great music in the modern day, and shows a ray of light for a band that may or may not have scared off their fanbase.

Favorite Track: LA Girlz

Lest Favorite: Jacked Up
Weezer - SZNZ: Summer
6.
79
Verdict: ...excuse me?

I-

I just...

...Did they dead ass release their best material after 6 years of basically nothing?! I mean, i'm not complaining. This EP feels like a much more dark sound for Weezer, flashing me back to the days of Maladroit in the best way possible, and all of the weird stuff that usually makes me die inside actually feels a lot more earned here then on something like OK Human. This FEELS like Weezer actually trying to do something interesting and creative, with their spark fully ignited. It feels so good to have a full project of Pure Weezer Bliss again. Yay!

Favorite Track: Thank You and Good Night

Lest Favorite: Cuomotown
Weezer - Everything Will Be Alright in the End
7.
77
Verdict: We're Sorry: The Album.

Favorite Track: Foolish Father

Lest Favorite: Cleopatra
Weezer - OK Human
8.
69
Verdict: I mean OK? Its fine.

If you've been a fan of this band for years and continuingly want to support them, then yeah, a 6 out of 10 album will probably be enough to satisfy. And nothing here is offensive or even that boring. I just wish that there was some more oomph to this album so that this doesn't just sound like a gimmick album.

Favorite Track: Playing My Piano

Lest Favorite: Everything Happens For A Reason
Weezer - Hurley
9.
61
Verdict: OK.

This album isn't awful. It isn't amazing, it isn't even that good, but its not awful. Sure, there are some really bad stuff on this album, and some really questionable stuff here that makes me just wince. But there is nothing really here that makes me angry or passionate in any way, shape or form. Hell, there are some really nice moments here, like the outro to the track 'Run Away', or 'Trainwreck'. My main problem with this album is that it just feels really immature, lazy and boring. It weirdly has the problem that I find with most modern Coldplay records: Nothing here sticks out. It might not be amazing, and it might be kinda stupid at the end of the day, but it just exists. And that is more then I can say for a lot of Weezer albums.

Favorite Track: Run Away

Lest Favorite: Where's My Sex? (lol)
Weezer - SZNZ: Spring
10.
54
Verdict: ...seriously, did ANYONE remember this came out?! Like, at all?

This came out in 2022, and I remember absolutly no-one talking about it then, and even less people talking about it now. It doesn't have anything offensive on it, and I guess it doesn't have any songs that outright suck, but like...this is just nothing. It's literally nothing. It's cute, I guess. It's Cuomo at his most fairy-tale-esq, but calling it 'fantastical' just makes it seem way more interesting then it really is. Nothing here springs out to me (hehe) or catches my attention. This just...isn't anything.

Favorite Track: uh...Angels on Vacation...

Lest Favorite: ...uhhhh...Opening Night?
Weezer - Weezer (Black Album)
11.
52
Verdict: I can't knock the hustle, but I can knock the inconsistencies.

This album is like the polar opposite of the White Album, if the White Album was injected with 50 oz of fucking dumb. There are some highlights here that tell me that the Weezer I used to love to buried somewhere in the tar of this album, but its an album that made me loose hope. Sure, this is one of the more interesting Weezer albums we've gotten in years, but that isn't saying much. Saying that I thought three tracks here were decent and everything else sucks isn't that big of a compliment when I'm forced to sit through track after track of Donkey Dick. It might not be the worst Weezer has ever put out, and hell, at least they are still trying new things. But...good god man.

Favorite Track: High as a Kite

Lest Favorite: I'm Just Being Honest
Weezer - Weezer (Green Album)
12.
50
Verdict: Weezer Type Beat.

Look, there are some really good moments on Green album. I tend to have a decent enough time listening to these songs, and nothing stands out here as terrible. But that's a big problem with the album: nothing stands out. Aside from the two big singles from this album, the whole record blends into this green wallpaper that makes it invisible to the naked eye. While Weezer aren't sucking ass on this album musically, it's kind of sad to see this fun, energetic and lively power-pop band just kind of phone it in after taking one of the biggest creative risks they ever made. It's a sad record, and that's a weird thing to say about an album that is trying so hard to convince you that its happy.

Favorite Track: Island In The Sun

Lest Favorite: Smile
Weezer - Weezer (Red Album)
13.
49
Verdict: The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived huh?

Wait, this is the album that people like?! Out of all the records people like from Weezer in the 2000s, THIS is the one that stands out?! Fucking WHAT?! Why?! Why does every song (aside from the closer) range from mediocre to laughably horrible? Why does this album sound so muddy, overblown and so confused? Why are they swapping out band members?! Why does it feel like they can't write one decent song on this entire album!? Why does The Greatest Man That Ever Lived exist?! So many questions, and so little answers, and GOD the only thing I want is answers!

WHY?! WHY!?!?!?

...OK shitposting aside, I will admit, The Angel and the One is one of my favorite Weezer songs. So...at least it has that one song? But still, this album is fill to the brim with bad idea after bad idea, and it revels in its gloriously horrible stench. It thrives off of it's madness, and doesn't care what people think of it. Good God.

Favorite Track: The Angel and The One

Lest Favorite: The Greatest Man That Ever Lived
Weezer - Van Weezer
14.
34
Verdict: Van Weezer be rocking out in the retirment home.

If there is one thing that the 2021 records from Weezer proved, it's that (even though OK Human wasn't really for me) that Weezer trying to earnestly reinvent themselves is much better then Weezer desperately clinging to their past sound. And on Van Weezer? I'm sorry, but they cling, and they cling HARD to the worst kind of sound that they have.

It's not a matter that the album sounds 'boring' or 'redundant'. Because there are some moments (not tracks, but mere moments) that I did catch that felt like it could have gone into a classic Weezer bop. Yes, they weren't very interesting Weezer bops, and the lyrics are about as dried up as the cold turkey Rivers is talking about on '1
More Hit', but there is a feeling of 'we are trying to go back to the sound everyone likes!'...even if its in the worst way possible. All these songs sound overblown, annoying and outdated to the max, sounding almost like they are trying to go back to the sound they made on 'The Red Album'. Why? Good question! I have NO IDEA why they would want to go back to THAT sound at fucking ALL.

At this point, what I think is essential for Weezer to do as a band is to move forward with is less 'go back to roots' but more 'reinvent, try again and make something really interesting again', because I feel what Van Weezer, with all of its guitar shredding and pop hookery, proved to me is that the Old Weezer might not be what I want anymore. Maybe the band is just too far gone. Maybe...Weezer can't be Weezer anymore.

Favorite Track: Beginning Of the End

Lest Favorite: Sheila Can Do It
Weezer - Weezer (Teal Album)
15.
30
Verdict: Ew, a covers album.

Look, I know this isn't terrible. This isn't awful, but I just loathe what this album is. Note for note re-do cover albums should be burned at the fucking stake, and there is nothing on this album that makes me think differently about that, especially when these renditions sound so much worse then the original tracks. It's just...so lazy, so obnoxious and so, so, so not what I want from fucking Weezer.

Ew.

Favorite Track: Happy Together

Lest Favorite: Billie Jean
Weezer - Raditude
16.
29
Verdict: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRaoHi_xcWk&ab_channel=MarkO%27Neill

Favorite Track: (If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To

Lest Favorite: I'm Your Daddy
Weezer - Make Believe
17.
22
Verdict: This album gives me a headache.

This album is so simplistic, uneventful, uninteresting and mind-numbingly basic that it fades out of memory and into nightmares the second I hit play. The songs on this album barely exist, with one song after another sounding more drier, more obnoxious and just mind-numbingly boring after the next. Honestly, listening to this album sounds like listening to the same bad song over and over, feeling like a miniature version of an endless hell loop.

In the painful attempt to cross back into the mainstream, Weezer loose themselves in a sea of mediocrity, and by God will I never return to it with rose-tinted glasses ever again.

Favorite Track: Hold Me

Lest Favorite: This Is Such A Pity
Weezer - Pacific Daydream
18.
20
Verdict: Who gives a fuck?

My god, this is boring. Not a single song stands out in anyway, shape or form. The lyrics are bad, the music is boring, the production mediocre. Everything here is just sludge. Why does Weezer think that bland and boring music is 'album of the summer' material? Everything on this album is as forgettable as it is obnoxious, and the same question kept pumping through my brain over and over again: Why would anyone want to make music like this?!

Favorite Track: Who cares?

Lest Favorite: Who honestly cares?
1
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4d
was Summer a mind fuck for you lol
1y
maladroit do be underrated doe
1y
hash pipepanic

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