Weezer - Van Weezer
May 6, 2021 (updated May 7, 2021)
80
VIDEO REVIEW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecX5MG6a0aU

Let's cut the chase: this album is for men. No more of that incel virgin Pinkerton shit. Of course this album is gonna get a lot of haters since the average AOTY user is like 14 years old but what do you expect? Such is the life of an alpha, you face a ton of heat from the haters on the regular but you keep on trucking on because you never fucking quit.

What's the difference between a boy and a man anyways? Could it be the long list of sexual partners and experimental drug adventures under your belt? The Godly taste in 70's heavy metal and hard rock only a grown man could understand? Being able to shred absolutely fucking epic guitar solos for an entire album including a CRAZY TRAIN INTERPOLATION POSSIBLY BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL SONG?? While Van Weezer has all of these, that's not quite what makes this record alpha.

No, what makes Van Weezer (and its listeners) alpha is that we understand we are heroes. We Understand that she needs me, the world needs me, and we're going to be there to protect her. The number one job of an alpha is to protect the pack, and WEEZER FINALLY UNDERSTANDS THIS. OK HUMAN WAS BETA MALE CRUD, NOW WE HAVE AN ALBUM BY AND FOR PROTECTORS.

If you are under the age of 24 and you don't like this album, try again in 10 years. IF you are over the age of 24 and still don't like this album, I'm sorry but you might just have beta male genes. This album bangs and these are just the facts.

I give this 4/5 stars, had to take a star away because "Precious Metal Girl" was kind of for p*ssies but whatever they need to appeal to their beta male fans too I guess.
5 Comments
May 6, 2021
FUCK YEAH ALPHAS UNITE
May 6, 2021
Factual
May 6, 2021
ALPHA SUPREMACY
May 6, 2021
BASED ALPHA REVOLUTION
Jun 1, 2021
tryna call other people out for being incels when you refer to other men as "beta males", that's literally neckbeard behavior...
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