Drake - Certified Lover Boy
Sep 3, 2021 (updated Mar 27, 2022)
15
The never evolving artist

Fuck you Drake, first and foremost, and second, why aren't you even trying anymore? Look man, from the first three words of this review you can already tell that I don't like Drake at all. The two albums I've heard from him some weeks ago bored the hell out of me, I already knew that Drake's gimmick had been always the same, and with this album, he proves that once more, just that, unlike "Nothing Was The Same" and "Take Care", from afar you can tell that Drake didn't even put effort into this album.

Before talking about the songs, I just want to talk about the way this album was promoted... which was just way too lazy. I don't want to bring up comparisons, but, Kanye literally set himself on fire and Tyler was putting phone numbers in the streets of the world to promote their albums, what did Drake do? Well, he didn't do anything significant aside from becoming the laughing stock of the internet because of the horrible album cover, terrible track names, and embarrassingly corny merch. I can tell that this took away a lot of interest in the album, who the hell expected anything out of an album with a bunch of pregnant women emojis on the cover? I myself lost interest, and I wanted to listen to this album the moment it came out just to see how much worse (or better) Drake had gotten, and to write a review about it. I had the album, even an hour earlier because of my country's time zone, but seriously just listening to the first song, I preferred watching a Snoop Dogg features video (which I recommend a lot if you stumble upon it) and then went to sleep.

"But, maybe the album looked uninteresting and really bad from the outside, but c'mon man, he took 3 years to make this, he even delayed it, it has to have some redeeming qualities!" No, it doesn't. The only redeeming quality of this thing is some of the features, Lil Baby did well, I'm not a big fan of him, but hey, he nailed it here, Rick Ross did great too, I guess it's just because I really like his voice, and Jay-Z also had a great verse, reminiscent of his "4:44" album... and... eh, yeah. Every other feature just existed, kinda, there's also some atrocious ones like on "Way 2 Sexy", which I almost quit the album on the spot because of that chorus, Travis and Cudi didn't really impress me, and I'm not that big of a Lil Wayne fan.

Then, aside from that, there's just no way I can give props to anything else. Like, I seriously can't find anything of quality in here when it's seriously the exact same thing Drake's always been doing. I can't believe this man has never done anything that's outside of the same boring comfort zone. It's always the same R&B-infused trap songs with Drake rapping about women. I have nothing against that, but after it's been done time after time, there's no point in listening further. I honestly just came to terms with that in general, Drake has never done anything interesting at all in his career, none of his albums run with an actual concept, it's always all about women, being successful, and rubbing it to the haters and how great he is. Why the hell was that album called "Nothing Was The Same" if the themes are the same as "Take Care"? Why isn't this album called "Scorpion 2" or "Views 2"? It's always the goddamn same with this guy, there's no variety in his catalog, it's always the same sound, same themes, same voice.

Maybe you can make the argument of "Oh, but this is a rap album, he's rapping", but is he rapping in some way that's interesting? He always raps with this same monotone voice, no emotion, not experimenting at all. Half of the songs in here sound the exact same, the only thing that differentiates some from others is either because of the features, the samples that get used, or because some are so atrocious that they stand out.

And that brings me to my conclusion, which is, Drake just doesn't care as long as he makes some money. He isn't gonna put effort into anything, he isn't gonna try improving himself, and that shows when after almost abandoning his son if it wasn't for Pusha T, he puts a bunch of emojis of pregnant women on his cover and raps about all his kids that must be roaming around wondering where their dad is. He is gonna say he's a lesbian because he doesn't care, he'll make the same album 6 times in a row, and he won't care. He is gonna ridicule himself and put out an embarrassing album with songs with such titles as "Fucking Fans" because it doesn't matter, it's Drake, the genius and amazing rapper, artist, and former child actor!

Terrible album, honestly, I can't believe I was able to sit through the hour and a half of this album. I really hope no one had their hopes that high for this because man, this album's just a shame and an embarrassment. I would almost call this an insult to the listener, but, I do think that the features, at least most of them, tried giving their best, and some samples are cute, but the rest is just horrible. Instead of bothering, go listen to "Call Me If You Get Lost", whose artist does care for quality and also changing things up a bit now and then.

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