This is perhaps gonna be the most (unironically) positive unpopular opinion of this album on AOTY but here are my honest thoughts:

Not a long time after this album was released, Scott was hospitalised due to serious mental health issues. People that were joking that he’s “lost his mind” weren’t too far from the truth. In fact during the making of this album, Scott was constantly struggling with suicidal thoughts, clinical depression & a distaste for life.

If you’ve ever truly suffered from depression, (and as someone who’s been hospitalised myself for months over time), the feeling you get when you truly don’t feel like life is worth it & you don’t care if you live or die - is EXCELLENTLY captured on this album. The songs have each got this raw, broken, fractured and incoherent sound that on surface level you’d most likely deem “unlistenable”, but really they reflect not only Cudi’s hate towards life, but also his disconnection towards music. Why would he Care to try when his illness had taken over like a parasite? This album is a showcase of losing hope and not caring if you’ve made a “song” or a “demo” or even a coherent recording. It’s a total fuck you to everything which the more I think about it - is the true essence of punk.

When you combine this with lyrics like: “Fury, fury / there’s no curing / the nothing, the nothing / I’ll cut you now / Fucking waste” & “Undoubtedly no saving me / I’ve got to bleed no saving me” (in reality nearly every track references self harm and mental health problems pretty directly), it becomes uncomfortably obvious that this was a cry for help from a man that was so deeply trapped into his own head, that he started to lose himself. He was losing his identity as a musician (hence the punk/grunge skeletal experimentation) as well as his sense of humour (the Beavis and Butthead skits which were so obviously out of place and intentionally disturbing with those disgusting laughs) it was like listening to a documented mockery of someone who simultaneously dropped a cry for help & a “fuck what you expect from me, I’m about to die” record

I didnt’t enjoy every song. I’m not sure enjoyment is even what ended up being important. This was 100% a non-concept, concept album (my bad if this doesn’t make sense in my writing). I was just taken aback by how unfiltered and honest this felt to me. Kudi’s always been a talented artist in my opinion (just listen to MOTM 1, 2 & Kids See Ghosts), and listening to this was VERY difficult. In hindsight it was even more experimental than I first thought of it, but it was also 100% intentionally rough, sketchy, conveying disturbing sounds of madness and a sad uncomfortable feeling like Scott was on the brink. And man we did nearly lose Scott in 2015, he was pretty gone ~~ Who puts his rehearsals in the middle of an album and makes the album 90 mins with 26 tracks, with a genre they’ve never done before, being so in-your-face unfinished, unpolished and rushed, in general pulling the shit he did without asking for a reaction??

Sometimes when I feel like absolute shit, I’d grab my guitar and start playing random chords and just sing the first thing that comes to mind in order to take my mind off my real issues and just sort of let loose. It’s sort of like a coping mechanism for me as well as listening to music and drawing. No artist has captured that part of their creative process because it wouldn’t be “good music”- everybody knows and agrees on that. Everybody is always caught up by the highlight reel and hide their behind the scenes. This is Scott’s behind the scenes, his ‘real’. No song on here was worked on for longer than 1hr - I guarantee it. It’s a very unique album to listen to, it thrives in imperfection and blemishes. A reflection of a broken and lost mind. It’s not an album that I enjoy to visit, (because personally I look for enjoyment first), however it’s crazy real, and incredibly unique. And any album that manages to actually get me concerned about an artist’s well being has done something right in order to hit a nerve. It’s a mirror. And it’s too unpleasant to look at sometimes even if you’re in the same bleak, dreary state of mind he was in. I’m really ranting at this point and am beginning to sound repetitive, long winded, not making too much sense in analogies and my thoughts are clashing in a whirlwind of chaos...


Guess it worked, Scott.
4 Comments
May 4, 2019
Excellent and exciting review!
May 4, 2019
I'm glad to see that some people like this album.
May 4, 2019
Thanks @WhatTheFunk! Hopefully I get 1 or 2 AOTY users to look at this from a different lens. An ill mind’s coping, struggling to stay sane. Hopefully my review made enough sense and I conveyed my thoughts clearly enough. It was pretty hard for this one.
May 6, 2019
HOLY SHIT! Kid Cudi's name is Scott?
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