CONNORPARTY - Flying Colors!
Jan 12, 2020
I wanted to isolate myself before beginning to write this, so it's just me, the music and my thoughts, nothing more, nothing less. I wanted to see what would occur if I did this and see what might come out of it, so take this as an experiment of sorts. I wanted to do this for a couple of reasons, for one I wanted to see if I could write better, stronger in isolation, second was because this album makes me feel a lot of things, odd things that I really want to get written down, even if none of it makes any sense, this review might make no sense to anyone but me or it might be something that speaks to everyone, I don't know but know this isn't a review in the normal sense, so maybe harken back to my previous reviews and their style, this could be similar.

I don't know what it is about this album but it makes me feel special, it makes me feel loved and it makes me feel included in something. It makes me calm. The album cover resonates a lot with me, just the entirety of it, the feeling it gives off; of looking into someone's life for a short while. The album title too, the feeling of hope it gives off, but then when used in the context of the album (it's used in the lyrics of Portrait Of) it feels sadder and darker. This isn't a happy album, I seem to be drawn to sadder records than happier ones, call me a pessimist but I guess I enjoy wallowing in my own head. This album did make me cry, twice but there were points here where I was in awe, it felt so personal and oddly beautiful. The songwriting is excellent and feels unique to Connor himself. Hell, even the naming scheme feels unique to him, while obviously there were inspirations they don't appear obvious at all and it feels quite unique to him. It feels personal and quaint. I see myself in this album, I feel that's the point, but almost every part of this record makes me tear up, from track one to nine. It's a mix of the sometimes acoustic, sometimes bassy instrumentals and the gorgeous vocal performance. Connor's vocals are my favourite part of this album besides the songwriting, God he can sing. It's a kind of voice I haven't really heard before but I adore it. It makes me feel at ease, I feel cared for. Even when he's screaming greed at me, it feels in love, it feels not in anguish but in sorrow.

The songwriting here is impeccable as well, it's some of the best I've seen in a while and I feel is on the same level as some of Toledo's work, which is high praise considering I'd call him one of the best if not the best songwriter out there currently. So much emotion is conveyed through these lyrics when nothing is explicitly implied. The tools are given to you and you can piece it together. "I don’t exist, I’m made of liquid, I’ll flood your room, And I’ll tear your insides out, I’ll paint your neck, With Flying Colors, And you’ll fall into my mouth." This one of my favourite verses of the album as a whole, and is my given example for the statement above on the title of the album. It's the way he sings it too, he sings it with passion and heart that reminds me of a younger Toledo, in his Monomania days. There's something about this that makes it like the kind of CD passed around by friends, and it'll appear in your friend circle at some point. I feel this is something really really special, while not everyone would probably fall in love with it, this is something I feel that deserves a spotlight shone on it, it's something that deserves to be listened to.

It's an album that feels like sitting on a roof, with your partner and stare at the stars, as you sing along silently to these songs. You smile sweetly up at those stars. You sit and ponder. Is there another life? Something further beyond those stars? These questions only well up at certain times and they do make you sit, and think; is it worth it? Then you look to your side and see them look back at you, your world staring at their own. You stop and you know then, that you don't need to look for another world, another life beyond because, your world is right here next to you, and their world is here too. You wouldn't destroy someone else's world, why destroy your own.
I don't want to die, I don't want to kill myself yet but I'm scared I might, it is times like these where I go indepth in my own mind and like to maybe write about it or just vent at myself with music, but sometimes something like this comes along and makes me write it out in an odd way. I do see myself in this album, in many ways; I also see myself in other perspectives here. I see myself on the roof, looking up, on a cliffside, just on the grass. I want to sit beside someone and look at the stars, then look at my own. I know I will at some point, everyone will; everyone wants their own star. Everyone deserves their own star and they should seek it out.

Follow your heart, and find the one you want, find the person you want and let them find you and, if you've already found them? Then sit down, lie down on the grass and cherish every moment you have with them, lie there and look into their eyes. See the stars look back at you, they're secretly jealous of your shine. This is an album that makes me feel a lot of things and I feel like if I write it all down here half of it won't make any sense, I can try but I feel it would become too longwinded at that point. I want to get my point across here and that's that, this is a special album that I feel is important; I see myself through that window and it makes me sad, but happy too. I see myself in all of this and I cry over it. This may become one of my favourite albums ever, and I'm being honest there. It feels so perfect to me personally, every fault here is perfected by itself. I can't really describe it, I just feel hopeful listening to this, I can do it. I can live on.

This is a sort of postscript that I may not even include in the actual review but something I want to add anyway if I can, this is more for myself honestly, just to write everything out. I'm scared and I don't want to go anywhere but, death is inevitable and I feel this other half of me will get the better of me. I don't want to lose this fight but it's getting closer and closer to a loss. I'm scared and the only thing keeping me going right now is music and friends. You've seen my mental state throughout these reviews and maybe you've been worried, or just brushed it off. In a way, you've seen my state degrade or improve, and right now you're seeing it at its edge. Widths end. I don't know how long this is going to go on for, if I'll get some diagnosis on some disorder I didn't know I had like split personalities or schizophrenia. I'm scared of that happening but I don't know what I want to happen, I want to be myself again because right now I feel alien to my own body. Music makes me feel human, this album made me feel human and made me cry again, I need to cry. I feel safe if I cry.
Supertartory's Tags
Jan 12, 2020
There's still a lot more I could say but I don't know how to say it. I felt that was a good place to end it otherwise it would probably devolve into nonsense.
May 24, 2020
Wait wtf this is you? How am I just realizing this...
May 24, 2020
did you not know I was the one who wrote this review???
May 24, 2020
@Supertartory I had no idea you made this album lol
May 24, 2020
@Treylikesbands NOO I DIDN'T MAKE IT REJHGBREJHGNE It was @theconnorparty on twitter
May 24, 2020
@supertartory oh shit... quite the misunderstanding. sorry hahaha.
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