AOTY 2023
Heaven's Emperor - Teenage Poetry
Mar 9, 2021
Depression is such a real word. I can’t begin to describe how it’s affected me and so many other people. Depression is a real word, it’s a real place that people have to live in every single day, and it’s so incredibly painful to sit in.

Depression is a real place that people are forced to live in, a place in which you can never truly leave, a place that will leave you traumatised forever, that is if you ever even escape it, it’s an endless maze full of thorns and holes, holes covered up by leaves that are almost completely hidden to the naked eye. Depression is such a real place, and I live there, people I know live there, so many people live there, but it’s always so lonely.

The sun doesn’t shine here, the moon doesn’t glow here, the plants don’t grow and the water doesn’t flow. We’re alone in this place, stuck with nothing but our own face, we’re alone in this place. So alone in this place.

Occasionally, though, someone does get through, another lost soul wanders into your part of the maze, through the bushes and thorns, and you meet eyes, and you feel happy, you feel good, you feel not alone for once in your life. You feel good.

What does any of this mean though? Why discuss any of this? It’s because depression isn’t obvious to people, it isn’t obvious to you, or me, it’s hidden away like a shadow looming over. Depression doesn’t show itself to anyone but you, the person suffering, it’s an invisible thorn stuck in your side that only digs deeper and deeper until it eventually gets to your heart and infects it. Depression is a silent killer.

How do people cry for help? They do it in a lot of ways, some hurt themselves, some scream and shout until someone hears them, some people create art to show that they’re suffering. This is a piece of art that shows suffering. This is a piece of art that shows depression, it shows it in a raw and unfiltered form, sampling so many other pieces of media to create something emotionally poignant and draining.
This is a piece of art that feels like depression, it feels like suffering, it feels like so many thoughts entering your head and slowly killing you from the inside out as you sit there and try to pretend you’re ok but you’re not ok, you’re never ok, and no one can truly understand the pain and suffering you go through every single time you close your eyes. No one knows.

Depression is something that is so real, it is a beast that is relentless, a beast that never stops, never ceases, never rests. It is a beast that fuels off of the sadness and torment of others, it is a beast that’s only goal is to hurt you, to slowly but surely kill you. It is a beast that cannot be stopped, cannot be tamed, cannot be killed.

But people are strong, people are kind, and people are powerful. People who suffer with this beast, who live in this place, who are stuck in this eternal maze, they are so strong. They are some of the strongest people to exist, because of what they have to go through every single day, the torment, the suffering, they get through it, they persevere, they survive.
I’m strong, I know I am, and I know others are strong too, so many of you are so strong with what you have to go through every single day, the abuse from your own head, the trauma caused by your own thoughts, you’re strong, you’re powerful.

This is a piece of art that shows depression in its purest form, through noise and sampling, through screams and tears. This album uses noise to convey raw emotion, and it’s beautiful. There are walls of nothing but noise here and it feels freeing almost, it feels transcendental. There are samples here that are harrowing to listen to, there are times where this album is difficult to listen to, but you’re strong, you’re powerful, and you’ll get through it.

I cried while listening to this, but that’s ok because crying isn’t a sign of weakness, and it never will be. Crying is good, crying is healthy, and crying is helpful, it can help convey emotions when you don’t know what else to do, either happy or sad.
It’s ok to cry.

I want to add a little postscript here just to tell the person who I know is reading this, that I love them a lot, and that they’ve been a new light in my life that I really needed, and I hope that I can be a similar light to them. This album didn’t make me realise that, but what it did make me realise is how much I really love them, and how important they are to me. This album as I’ve said is one about depression, and one that shows depression in an incredibly raw form, and it’s albums like those that make me really think about the people I love, and the people who are important to me, I have a lot of people who are important to me, and I’d hope that a lot of them are reading this, or at least this part of the review. All of the people who read my reviews are important to me, either way. You make me want to write and make me want to continue what I do, and I love you all.
And I know that you’re reading this, you know who you are, and I want you to know that I love you, a lot, you are a new light in my life and I appreciate that immensely, thank you, so much.

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1 Comment
That post script, good god it hurts. My heart is crying now, I don't know how you did that. I also read this in reverse order of paragraphs, so that might be it. I am also not joking. But also it's transiently beautiful that I could legitimently read this review in reverse. I also felt this, like a lot. I want to check this out asap, this review is gorgeous
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