Machine Gun Kelly - mainstream sellout
Mar 25, 2022 (updated Mar 25, 2022)
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Everyone, I have a major announcement!!! World-famous AOTY user Trafficone has sold out! I repeat, Trafficone has sold out! After what could only be described as an mid-like crisis (god i hate that joke so much) he has finnaly decided to completely shift gears to low-quality shitposts, so now every one of his reviews will just be the artist’s name repeated 69 times, as 69 is the funny sex number! Now, enjoy my content!

Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly Machine Gun Kelly

Rock music. Rock music. Hell yeah, man! The rebellion, the history, the… patriotism. I sure do love my country, and rock music is the perfect American antidote to any o’ them damn SJW libtards who think that they can just come into my country and start singin’ bout rainbow flags and penis women and get away with it! I’m so devoted to the great cause of my country that I drove my truck right up to the border and started blaring my electric guitar right in front of a bunch of them fuckin homeless mexicans! That’ll show em! Rock on!!!🤘🤘🤘
That right there is how I imagine that former rapper now pop-punk superstar Machine Gun Kelly views people who listen to rock, as the music that Kelly is currently releasing feels more like a sad, ridiculous parody of the genre that he’s so obsessed with claiming he revived.
But what actually caused him to switch lanes completely, to make him go from shitting all over a beloved genre to shitting all over a beloved genre. Well, as I’m sure all of you could know, the sheer embarrassment of being crushed by Tom Macdonald’s grandpa was to much for Machine Gun Kelly to handle, and with his reputation and career at rock bottom, he threw what could be his final hail mary and made the switch from rap to pop-punk with his 2020 album “Tickets To My Downfall,” where ironically, he saw his greatest financial success yet, putting his popularity at an all time high.
Now, I understand that many people believe that this man single handedly brought a genre that was previously thought to be long dead back to its former popularity, and while he certainly wasn’t the sole contributor of the guitar’s grand return into the mainstream, I’m not going to be here dyning his influence on the current landscape of popular music and rock’s growing popularity, albeit with some much more modern production quirks mixed in.
But the occasional hi-hat rattle or autoned vocal passage doesn't change the fact that this is the return of a great genre that was so close to falling into obscurity? Well, not really. In a very, very, very large nutshell, Machine Gun Kelly technically does tick off all the boxes of the genre. He’s got the attitude, the production from rock-legend Travis Barker, and of course, the beloved eclectic guitar that he so proudly displays in the cover of both Mainstream Sellout and Tickets To My Downfall. Unfortunately though, I think that the guitar shown off on his album covers represent the biggest problem that I have with his adventures into punk, and that’s the fact that he’s just trying way too hard to fit into the genre. What I mean by this is that by trying to make a name for himself in the world of punk-pop, he won't budge when it comes to pushing the genre boundaries, and instead just realize the old, outdated tropes of the 2000’s with maybe a trap beat thrown in that just sounded like a parody of the old sounds he was ripping from. The resulting combination was a generic, grating sound that felt like it had already aged 15 years on its release date.
But I can cut him some slack on that one. After all, while he did dip his toes into the sound a bit on previous works, it was first true dive into pop-punk, and you can’t blame him for sticking to an already well established sound. But now he’s attempting the style for a second time around, and this time, he has no excuse to lean on the same old, generic styles. Optimistic me had hoped that maybe, just maybe, he could do some good for the world of mainstream rock, and make something that was at least in the slightest bit original.
Unfortunately though, I could not have been more disappointed with the promotional material leading up to this thing. Let’s start with the lead single, Emo Girl. Where do I even begin with this one? It’s such a disastrous concoction of so many poisonous sounds and textures coming together that it’s almost comical. It’s clear that this song was made literally made for all of those gen Z Tik-Tok kids with their Bang Energy (now available in 3 new flavors, use promo code “SELLOUT” for 25% off your first order) with some of the most cringe and toxic lyrics that I’ve ever heard in a track, describing, you guessed it, an emo girl that Kelly seems to be wetting his bed sheets over, although his lyrics come off like a horny fourteen year old simping for some goth girl in his algebra class. It dosen’t really help matters that he seemed to pick what is maybe the most generic and overused guitar riff of all time to repeat over the entire fucking track without any variation whatsoever, and a guest who somehow comes off as even more awful and annoying then Machine Gun Kelly himself. Also, is it just me, or does this song have one of the worst snare drums ever put into a mainstream production?
While I do like the orchestral that eventually sneak their way into the chorus, they come in far too late and are way too drowned out by a bunch of loud… nothingness to even be appreciated.
Overall, it’s perhaps the worst step that Machine Gun Kelly could have taken while continuing down his pop-punk path, and all I could do was pray that the rest of the singles would be at least a little bit better, even on the level of something like My Ex’s Best Friend, and while sure, none of the other treasure ever dipped below “I’m in love with an emo girl,” they were still plagued with boring, predictable riffs and just no real purpose to exist. The features, again, also sucked, but really, what else can you expect from Bring Me The Horizon and Lil Wayne?
Oh hey, wait a second, I just realized that Papercuts was actually the lead single, and not Emo Girl. Whoops. Silly me. But hey, if MGK isn’t going to put any edfort into mqking his sons, then why should I put any effort into changing my review? That’s how I feel while listening to that fucking song. God, somebody killed me.
So now, with all of the promotion out and plugging the world, all left for me to do was to pray for the deep cuts. So, I sat back, played some Raid Shadow Legends (use code “FUNNYCONE” for 200 Raid Buck Things) and waited for the day of release. Or, dreaded may be a better word, as I specifically almost held myself from pressing the play button on spotify. Almost. But, here I am, reviewing the album, ain’t I?? So, with all of that being said, how did it go?
Well, I was actually pleasantly caught off-guard with the first 10 or so seconds of this thing, with these high energy drum patterns backing up an honestly pretty groovy bassline, although of course, it all falls apart literally as soon as MGK comes in with these ugly, overperformed vocals, where he does the cliched thing of counting from one to four and rhyming something with that subsequent number on each line. One thing that immediately stuck out to me, though, were some of the suicidal lines on this track, which actually end up running through a large portion of the tracklist. At times they can actually be quite powerful, such as on “God Save Me,” where the suicidal themes are so hammered in that you can’t help but feel bad for the guy.
Overall, I’d honestly say that the deep cuts do the album quite a bit more justice then the god-awful singles did, with MGK managing to dig up some actually pretty catchy choruses here and there, such as “drug dealer,” with although pretty ridiculous lyrics, it is honestly still an earworm, and what is prefaps the least rock-influenced track of the bunch, “die in california” does go over pretty well on the hook, despite the features best efforts to put the track to sleep. Like, seriously, Gunna should be prescribed as some sort of Melatonin (Gunna Melatonin 80% off when using promo code “THE_JOKE_ISNT_FUNNY_ANYMORE).
Although there are some good refrains here and there, those are just cherry picked from a tracklist that feels like it was made up entirely of demos and songs that MGK had half finished and just decided to put as little work into as possible. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if he full on took the Culture 2 route and spent, like, 45 minutes on each track.
But yeah… all of the problems that I mentioned on my review of the singles still haunt the rest of the album, asinine vocals, generic guitar riffs, boring production, and annoying and weirdly horny lyrics. This album is a barren wasteland of anything slightly original or fun, lead by an artist whose most likable personality trait is his willingness to cap off his albums before the 45 minute mark, because any more time spent with this, and I may not have lived to make all of the revenue I made from the sponsorships I took in this review.
Well, at least that’s over now. So yeah, would I recommend this album? Fuck no. Now, would I recommend staying hydrated with Smart Water? Hell yeah, babbyyyyyy!!!!! (use promo code “SHUT_THE_FUCK_UP” for one free bottle of water!)

Now, as I have discovered on this website, people seem to really like my super-funny jokes, and the more funnies I make, the more likes I get, and therefore the higher my very fragile ego is lifted. So for the lulz, here is Machine Gun Kelly repeated 420 times!

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Trafficone's Tags
9 Comments
10mo
omg 69 420 fun
10mo
[hidden]
10mo
Only the highest quality content from Trafficone!
10mo
Trafficone coming through with the best content on the website
10mo
Stay mad
10mo
I want mgk dead. pronto. can you handle that trafficone?
10mo
@ImplicitDoom unfortunately while I'm afraid I could not do that for you, I could offer you a 35% off discount off of your first manscaped purchase, if that would be satisfactory.
6mo
Trafficone for president 2024!!!!!
3d
this is the most deranged review i've seen on this site
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