Anus

It's not especially uncommon for artists' first projects to end up rather derivative of other songs; just look at early music from Pale Waves- a band I really love. However, that derivative music is generally fairly good and at least listenable, not least because it is almost lifted from very competent artists. This, however, is one derivative album that is rather an exception to that convention. Instead it takes the form of a fourteen (14!) track extended gimmick that well encapsulates its release year. Which is bad, because 2015 had some shit released within it.

1 - Hieeee - 58
So this is a pretty generic, done-before dance-pop track that runs down the general themes of the album. It's certainly enjoyable but it's also certainly nothing special. I have a feeling this was purely recorded so that Alaska could have a pre-recorded introduction to her shows to lip-sync that was distinctively hers. While I understand that, I don't understand why it really needed to be on an album.

2 - Anus - 61
From the opening line about "pussy holes", this song is unabashedly a meaningless, fun drag queen song. And it does that well, with the anti-drop a nice subversion considering the drop-heavy, formulaic way in which a lot of music released by drag queens tends to go. Not half bad.

3 - Pussy - 34
The vocals on this track are just irritatingly breathy, and don't fit with the painfully boring doo-wop instrumental. This is like Meghan Trainor but explicit and suffering from apnoea. This is saved from having a truly atrocious score purely by the fact that it wasn't so intensely awful it made me want to block my ears with motor oil.

4 - Beard - 45
Surprisingly, I enjoy the beat on this, and the soundscape actually reminds me of LEON's "Planet of Blue". It's just a shame that the lyrics are fundamentally just fluff about beards. Of course, it does pay vague platitudes to destroying gender norms and cisnormativity, but that's somewhat difficult to take serious when the artist once filmed a video of them appearing to shoot a trans activist as a skit.

5 - This Is My Hair - 10
I think this song is going for an industrial vibe but ultimately it just sounds like Alaska is singing, interrupted by someone getting a buzzcut. Just awful, the worst of drag music.

6 - Nails - Piano Introduction - 75
Maybe this is what Alaska Thunderfuck should have stuck too, since this kind of music fits her showtuney voice. Definitely a welcome break after I suffered through five previous bloated dance tracks!

7 - Nails - 38
And we go straight back into cheap-sounding dance tracks with lyrics that pay cursory glances to drag culture. The feature on this is also incredibly grating on the ears, as Jeremy creepily talk sings just out-of-sync with Alaska enough to make the whole thing sound amateurish.

8 - Gimme All Your Money - 62
I have to admit that I actually vibe with this somewhat. I think that's mainly down to the 2000s rap-style instrumental gelling better with Alaska's vocals. This is OK, but no more. Laganja's feature is also surprisingly decent considering how irritating she tends to be in character.

9 - Everything Tonight - 51
A rip-off, at least sonically speaking of K'NAAN's "Wavin' Flag" and, rhythmically speaking, of Kurt Calleja's "This Is The Night". It adds nothing to those bases lyrically, but it's listenable so it could be worse.

10 - Best Night Ever - 37
Weird choice to have what is fundamentally a chiptune instrumental on this album, and I don't think this song pays off the premise well. It's just dissonant and irritating. In fact, if i had to describe this song in any way, it'd be that this track is just what pop fans think mathcore sounds like.

11 - The Shade Of It All - 88
It seems like Alaska took my advice from Track 6, and made a full piano ballad packed with drag references and cameos. This is what this album SHOULD have been the whole way. The ad-libs from her AAA Girls colleagues, Courtney Act and Willam, also massively elevate this to being a really good novelty track.

12 - Legendary - 14
From piano ballads into.. tropical house but even further neutered than that godforsaken subgenre is normally. This is just so unfathomably dull. Not just badly sung, not just gimmicky, but so damn boring.

13 - Killer - 47
The best way I can describe this is the token fake-deep song that's always in a Eurovision selection show for somewhere like Romania. It's listenable, if I'm being charitable.

14 - Your Makeup Is Terrible - 5
In this track, we discover that Alaska is canonically from the planet Glamtron. This song makes me want to send her back there first-class, no returns. Just terrible in every way.