EUSEXUA

Like a feeling almost too good to be true, Eusexua is an experience that is very hard to define with one simple phrase or sentence. A feeling that has such a strong grasp over you, yet simultaneously making you feel so void of attachment. A sudden bliss that is gone before you know it, that is how I feel during Eusexua. Your experience may vary.

Beginning in a true blank space, this record starts with nothing but a loud thumping echo similar to that of a heart as it anticipates the raw anxiety of existence. This is soon after layered with these chilling vocals from Tahliah, which when paired with the very sparse instrumentation in the beginning of the song, create this almost frozen industrial atmosphere as metallic sounds attack your ears and vocals glide off into the ever-growing distance. This first glimpse into the idea of Eusexua, in the form of the title and intro track, I feel serves as a great jumping off point for the record as if you really gravitate to the sounds in this first track; then, you really are in for a wonderful experience if you just allow this record to entirely consume you for it’s runtime. Come the last twenty or so seconds of this track though we are transitioning into an entirely different sonic place in the form of Girl Feels Good.

Where the intro track may have felt robotic in certain elements, Girl Feels Good is so much more flowing and liquid in its display while still feeling otherworldly or alien in approach. Reflecting back upon this recurring idea of Eusexua, this song really encapsulates that on top of the world feeling one gets in this momentary state of bliss. Constantly echoing these ideas that when a girl feels good the world goes around, or that she may keep you around, or even simply that when a girl feels good you will know. This can of course be taken from a third person bystander view, but where I really feel this sentiment connects harder is on a more personal level. Again, when experiencing this sudden moment of bliss the world does at times almost feel as if it has stopped in place and you are for one moment the only thing that matters. However, one can only feel on top of the world for so long and that leads me into the following track Perfect Stranger.

So far, I have mainly been focusing on the uplifting themes on this album juxtaposed over more chilling production. I feel that Perfect Stranger is almost the antithesis of this idea and I will elaborate a bit on that. On a surface level this track comes across as a love letter to hook-up or short romance culture with its upbeat dance beat and so far the most poppy song structure of the tracklist. With that being said though and please forgive me for the comparison, I feel that this project does something SIMILAR to Brat in that it balances these fleeting moments of insecurity so well over typical club production because realistically sometimes you do just feel like shit when you should be having a good time. To elaborate a bit further, it could just be me looking at this song through my monogamous world view, but the lyrical content really doesn’t feel praising of this stranger to stranger lifestyle. The best example of this is in the lines, “We’re all getting through this our own way, I'd rather know nothing than all the lies” which just really sounds more like numbing of pain than free expression. The stranger in this case feels to me to be perfect more so because of their temporary nature rather than the inherent nature of being mysterious. I’ll leave my dissection here for you to decide on your own. That doesn’t affect me thinking this song is an absolute bop and an immediate ear catcher on first listen; and speaking of catchy songs, Drums of Death is the exact same for me.

I am very thankful that I unintentionally avoided the singles up to the release of this album because I could see myself running this song into the ground before the album could release. I could see myself doing exactly that because that is exactly what I did when this project was released. The choppy and stuttering nature of this track is absolute ear candy for me and the music video does a good job at capturing the punch of this track that I can’t quite put into words. Like really, I cannot do a better job than just pointing at the music video and saying watch that for more details. Especially when it comes to the way the choreography goes so quickly from scattered and distorted choppiness to smooth flowing free expression. I’ll say it one more time, just go watch the video and if you get it you get it. If you don’t I don’t think I can make it make sense for you. Maybe go back and listen to some Gaga to warm the waters?

No transition, Room of Fools was initially another one of my favorites from the project and while it still remains a great track in my eyes, I do feel that this track isn’t as “necessary” as some of the others. Don’t get me wrong, I love the very guttural way Tahliah sings “fools” on this song and the little vibrato she throws on other notes in absolutely angelic. I still just get left with the feeling that this track kind of leaves the narrative of the album for a second to just get out on the dance floor and rave; and y’know what, that’s perfectly fine with me, but I also feel like if this track was cut from the album it wouldn’t really change much. Again, still a banger of a track just not something I feel is critical to the album as a whole. I am going to take the opportunity here to say this is very similar to how I feel about the later track Keep It, Hold It. I like keeping things in order, but if I did that I would just be repeating all the same words I said here when i do get to that track later. Now, that is something that cannot be said for the track to follow Sticky.

Sticky brings back that isolating feeling from the intro and doubles down on the emptiness with this super deep sub bass and chopped up piano sounds. It doesn’t stop there though, Sticky goes even deeper into this darker subject matter highlighting the sheer fear of expressing one’s self and being vulnerable ESPECIALLY in an intimate setting. This fear then builds up inside of one’s self compounding on itself like, “little snakes inside a bottle” leaving one, “writhing in my frustration.” This however is only the anxiety leading up to being vulnerable with the actual moment itself feeling like an unbearable weight as you plead in your mind, “come on, come on, come on, say something nice.” Ultimately, serving as a consistent balancing act of self-preservation and desire fighting against each other you still yearn for that intimacy echoed in the lines, “my body wants to be touched in the deepest and darkest places, I want to be loved.” Going back for a second, this is what I feel makes the stranger in Perfect Stranger so perfect because your desire for love and intimacy is the same, but with the stranger your vulnerability is yours to control and rescind as you see fit. You will never have to face that person who witnessed you at your most vulnerable if you do not desire to. Lastly, the closing section of this track I feel is what happens when that anxiety gets to be too much finally crashing in on you in a wave of distortion and scattered thoughts.

*See Keep It, Hold It clause, subsection B, paragraph six for feelings on Keep It, Hold It*

I’m also going to be very brief here when it comes to Childlike Things as I feel the discourse on this track has pretty much been done enough. I don’t hate North West’s inclusion on this song in concept, but in execution I think at best it is weird, and at worst it is really weird. To appeal to my first point, the verse being in Japanese praising Jesus just kind of comes out of nowhere. Now, to my second point. I don’t think North West inherently being featured on an album called Eusexua is all that problematic. Where I do think it does get a little weird is when you actually consider the themes of the album and realize this track doesn’t exist in a vacuum. I mean hell, it does literally transition into a track called Striptease which isn’t exactly light on the nuance. As a song, it’s fine, but everytime I listen to this album and hit this track I go, “oh yeah, I forgot about this part.”

Now that that’s out of the way, I can finally get into, dare I say, the best track on the album. Right out the gate, Thaliah’s vocal style on this track has the hairs on my arms and legs standing straight up in anticipation for the angelic singing over the chorus. Adding to this, the instrumental does a great job of staying out of Tahliah’s way and just providing the space around the track. My favorite little element on the first section of the track would have to be this recurring little beep almost sounding like a sonar. Now let me tell ya, all of this so far is awesome, but what I was not even remotely prepared for is where this song would go after the three minute mark. Initially, the track begins to slow down almost to a halt, but then before you know it the drums come back in again and Tahliah begins belting this stunning, beautiful, and heavenly opera style vocals that, no joke, brought tears to my eyes on my first and many listens to follow. Remember that vulnerability I mentioned before in Sticky? Well, this track is diving head first into that vulnerability and letting it all lay bare. Add in the recurring chorus from the beginning and this track not only goes full circle, but presents a full package in terms of danceability, raw talent, production, overarching themes, and magnificence. I don’t want to live in a world without a Eusexua and I certainly don’t want to live in a world without the track Striptease.

Following a plunge into vulnerability what would be the logical next step forward? Submission obviously. In all seriousness, the track 24hr Dog has many themes of submitting into a partner for sure, but what I choose to focus more on is again submitting to this recurring theme of Eusexua. When you have finally laid everything you have out on the table that is when you finally feel free. Free to be yourself, free to express your desires, and most importantly free to embrace that feeling of Eusexua. This can be seen in the more sensual lines like, “I bend more than what I thought was possible” or even in a less serious way stating, “when I submit to you this way, I’m a dog for you.” The howls throughout the chorus are also a nice cherry on top too.

Lastly, we get to the final track and it almost seems bittersweet getting here so fast. This is reflected in the presentation of the vocals at the beginning with this robotic and very static performance. It feels very similar to that crash back to reality after experiencing a night of highs. The one difference here though when compared to all the other low emotional points on the record is that this time you are ready to fight. To pull yourself back up and experience that euphoric feeling once again and ideally forever learning to control it. I think a line to really encapsulate what I am trying to portray here would have to be, “you’ve one life to live, do it freely, it’s your choice to break or believe in it.” Simply put, you can only experience the wanderlust when you give into it.

A question to conclude with. What is the main takeaway here? For me, I see it as being to take a moment and embrace the highs and the lows. Learn to accept things as they come and be vulnerable in who you are flaws and all. Learn to love sadness and hate monotony.

Experience Eusexua.