Quickness

It's great that we all came out here today to talk about the Bad Brains' Quickness
precursor, Spirit Electricity Live.

But first, a joke I just made up:

Q: How many O's does it take to change "POPCORN" to "POOPCORN"?

A: TWO! Your mouth and your ass!!

Yes, jokes are a good time but we're only here for one reason, so let's talk about the Bad Brains' Rise album.

Don't buy Rise. It's not the Bad Brains. It's Dr. Know and Nurse Darryl trying to cash in on the grunge revolution in spite of the Hudson Brothers' disinterest. And sure, "So You Are A Star" is a great song, but there were many other bands that did the post-Beatles thing a lot b

...in spite of Earl and HR's disinterest. Their solution? Make Mackie the full-time drummer and hire a guy with an Afro to replace HR, since he had a really generic voice and nobody would miss him anyway. The result, unsurprisingly, is a terrible album. Released in 1993 by small indie label "Sony," Rise quickly fell (in a hilarious pun I just made) to the bottom of everybody's list of favorite Bad Brains albums.

Rise is bland, personality-free major-label early-90s metal at its most hookless. It could be anybody playing these songs; the only aspect connecting it to the Bad Brains proper is the vocalist's funny made-up name "Israel Joseph-I" -- a sneaky attempt to trick fans into thinking it's HR (who was billed as "Joseph I" on the back cover of Rock For Light). Unfortunately, THIS "Joseph-I" has a dull voice and noticeable lack of skill in the 'coming up with vocal melodies that don't sound like somebody shat all over them' department. His lyrics are much less abstract and Rasta-obsessed than HR's, and it's nice that he's so intent on offering positive advice to young people, but lest ye forget that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Not that Israel Joseph-I is going to Hell. That would be like telling a workman who paves a road to Cleveland that he has to live there for the rest of Eternity. And that's no way to run a road crew. The union would be all over your ass. And not just because the union likes anal sex, but because they'd be mad about your decree.

Incidentally, congratulations on getting your decree. Northwestern is a fine school, and you'll go far with a BS like that. Speaking of "BS," somebody should have called "HR" and asked them to hire a better vocalist than this jerk! But he's still not going to Hell, according to God. So that's something to look forward to.

Drab Power Chords and Funk-Metal with a few slight dollops of Ugly Thrash, Generic Reggae and Queasy Soul-Pop: that's your Rise in a nutshirt. The title track's riff is stolen from Metallica, the single is a Graham Central Station cover, and the only great song has the same name as an old Paul Rodgers band. Yes, "The Firm" certainly has a great riff but

Yes, "Bad Company" certainly does include the lyric "Company, always on the run" but

Yes, "Paul Rodgers & Queen" is indeed a weird, bubbly, blurbly, dark, sad-to-sick little piece that would have fit in perfectly on either of the preceding albums, but the other 11 songs range from depressing to somnambulant. There's the occasional cry for help from a neat chord sequence trying to escape the faceless, perfectly mixed bag of emptiness, but nobody hears it. It just sits there in weepertons as the faux-band plods away. Rise? More like RIPE (PILE OF HORSESHIT) if you ask me!!!!

Sorry if I didn't say much about how the album actually sounds -- there's just not much to say! Go pick up any failed major label 'grunge' release from the mid-90s, mentally replace the Eddie Vedder imitator with a boring black guy, and there's your Rise. It's not worth hearing, and has been long forgotten amidst the sands of dusk.

So let's get to the reason we came to the Quickness review in the first place -- to talk about Spirit Electricity Live! Okay, the first thing to note is that, regardl (*loses both hands in fist-fucking accident*)