Let's Dance

David Bowie cleaned up his vagrant act for this slick, overproduced spandex thong. NO NOT A SPANDEX THONG! Damn that wife of mine for putting immoral thoughts in my red hot cock. NO! NOT MY RED HOT COCK! My Boston Bean. NO.. screw this

David Bowie used to be a messy, druggy- sounding buttpirate - on this release, none is such the case! Everything is perfectly synthetic, sterile and note-exact. The instrumentation is dull, but (pirate) the melodies are so appealing, he had a bunch of hits! Reinventing himself (like Madonna or the baby Jesus) as the "Thin White Dork," David is a neatly dressed, sophisticated, low-voiced boring old fuck now. But again! The songs are captivating! Three hits - the peppy "Modern Love" (not to be confused with the Hall & Oates prog rock epic "Method Of Modern Love"), the oriental "China Girl," which slickens up the original Iggy Pop cover of David Bowie's "China Girl" and last but not least, "Cat People" which made the charts.

Made the charts LAUGH ITS ASS OFF, THAT IS!!! No really, the hit was the title track - "Let's Prance (Around Like A Bunch Of Mustachioed Dick Vacuums, Which Is A Synonym For "Gay Person" That Took Me Several Minutes To Make Up. That Time Can Never Be Retrieved. I Could Have Saved A Life Or Helped A Child.) Those songs are suave, with horns and pianos - three "P"s come to mind: Perfect Pristine Production. A fourth "P" would drain my kidneys completely. HA! YOU SEE MY JOKE?

But again, the last three songs are blander than bland has ever been boring. To the point that a possible 10 was brought down to a definite 6. Disappointing as all heck, but a good indication of where Bowie was heading..

See below!

No no, I mean the review below. Quit staring at your balls.

No no, not my balls. You can stare at my balls all you want.