Steppenwolf

Steppenwolf has gone down in History as a 'motorcycle rock' band for three key reasons: (a) they're a bunch of smelly long-hairs, (b) I thought of this one in the shower but now I can't remember it, and (c) they recorded the song "Born To Be Wild." This crunchy, brooding hit has over the years become so synonymous with "big Hell's Angel guy riding a gigantic noisy chopper" that I literally cannot hear the sound of a motorcycle engine without getting its opening guitar riff stuck in my head: it's a perfect fit! However, the truth is that most Steppenwolf songs don't sound like "Born To Be Wild." In fact, that song wasn't even written by a member of the band.

It's really annoying me that I can't remember what reason (b) was. It wasn't that they had two songs in Easy R I REMEMBER!!!! I REMEMBER!!!! Reason (b) is because John Kay's voice sounds like he's been pouring himself bowls of rival bikers' teeth topped with highway tar every morning since he escaped over the Berlin Wall.

And that's just one of the many interesting things that you can learn about John Kay, lead singer of Steppenwolf. He did in fact, as a child, escape with his family over (or through?) the Berlin Wall. Another intriguing truthhood is that he is apparently legally blind, like Reese Witherspoon in that movie. A third exciting piece of information is that his real last name isn't "Kay" at all, but "Kockadoodle-doo!"

When John K. entered The American Recording Studio with fellow band members Goldy McJohn, Jerry Edmonton, bassist Rushton Moreve and guitarist Michael Monarch in 1968, they had no way of knowing that the end result would just 38 years later earn a coveted '10 out of 10' on the uninnovative rating scale of an amateur Internet record reviewer nobody's ever heard of. But sometimes dreams come true even when they're not actually dreams, or even things you slightly give a shit about. So congratulations, John Goldy Jerryrushtonmike! Your name is my name too!

Steppenwolf was never really a 'motorcycle rock' band, nor even predominantly a 'hard rock' band. Regardless of Kay's gruff voice and Monarch's scraggly distorted guitar tone, their songs were mostly poppy, upbeat and melodic, not dark or morbid. A more accurate comparison might be drawn to the better garage bands of the mid-60s -- just with a scragglier vocalist and stronger, louder production capabilities.

One thing they were on these early records was Diverse As A Variety. If you listen with your ears and not your heart (which lacks the anatomical components necessary for decoding the information carried through sound waves), you may notice that every single track on this debut LP represents an entirely different subgenre than those which came before it. Starting with "Sookie Sookie (Sookie Sookie Sookie Sookie Soo!)," we encounter (a) funky soul music, (b) pop-rock, (c) early rock and roll, (d) electric blues, (e) motorcycle rock, (f) a 'vamp'/modal jam, (g) lovely soul balladry, (h) dark country-blues, (i) baroque mid-60s garage rock, (j) bubblegum pop, and (k) experimental psych-rock. Does this sound like some dumb post-Troggs idiot loud band to you? They totally sprinkle some fuckin' fairy dust on it, even while shitting the drummer.

The guitar tone, generally relegated to the right speaker of your stereo unit, is loud, raw and noisy - but NOT heavy. The keyboardwork, enjoying the freedom of the left (or 'liberal') speaker, generally varies between piano and Hammond organ. At no point during the proceedings do you get the idea that any of them are above average instrumentalists. However, the songs are fun, catchy, exuberant, diverse, fuzzed-out and joyously rockin'soulin'poppin'bluesin'! Furthermore, Steppenwolf features the first of many excellent Steppenwolf album covers - a metallic silvery band photo that will pSyChEdElIcIzE yOuR mIIIIIIInd.

The hilarious thing though is that John Kay wrote 7 of the 11 songs, yet the LP's two bonafide classics were written by non-band members - Dennis "Mars Bonfire" Edmonton's "Born To Be Wild" and Hoyt "Careful With That" Ax"Eugene"ton's "The Pusher." (note: if your religion forbids the singing of "GODDAMN The Pusher," an acceptable substitute is "G__D___ The Push-re."). But Kay's songs are just as great, so don't get all make-fun-ofy. He even addresses important social issues in his catchy tunes, such as:

"Everybody's Next One" (the damage inflicted on young women in the name of 'the sexual revolution'): "She doesn't know why she's everybody's next one/'Cause she's afraid that the truth is gonna hurt some/All the pity in the world ain't gonna help none/She has to realize that to keep one, her ways have to change some." Also that kicks ass how he rhymed 'some' with 'some'

"Your Wall's Too High" (the loneliness endemic to the practice of sheltering yourself from the world): "Back home again the day is gone/You're safe and sound but still alone/And when the night falls around your walls/Ah, tell me don't you ever wish to go outside/Follow the lights and go outside/You'll be alright, just go outside"

"Desperation" (the importance of perseverance against the odds): "So don't stop tryin' when you stumble/Don't give up should you fall/Keep on searchin' for the passway/That will lead you through the wall/Don't look back or you'll be left behind/Don't look back or you will never find peace of mind"

"Take What You Need" (the state of the world): "Took a look in the paper/While tryin' to eat a bite/You know I read the evenin' news/And lost my appetite/Some have the nerve to ask/For more respect from you and me"

"The Ostrich" (enforced conformity): "You're free to speak your mind my friend/As long as you agree with me/Don't criticize the father land/Or those who shape your destiny/'Cause if you do /You'll lose your job your mind and all the friends you knew/We'll send out all our boys in blue/They'll find a way to silence you"

Look, I never said the guy was an Pulitzer-winning poet; I said he wrote about social issues. So stop being an a-hole, if that's what you're doing out there. Me, I'm in here singing all these catchy songs to myself and, in the words of Loverboy, "Lovin' Every Minute Of It"! Especially the chorus to "Everybody's Next One," which is so dogmanned catchy it'd might as well be a Monkees song.

Perhaps it's not a perfect 10, (5 1/2 minutes of "Hoochie Coochie Man"?) but it's as close to one as Steppenwolf would ever come, and I'm proud to boost its well-deserved 8.6 to a starry-eyed 10. Buy it, porkers!

Oh hell, did I say 'porkers'? I meant 'baldies.'