You know that guy who does mushrooms once and suddenly becomes unbearable. The guy who heard OK Computer freshman year and has been spiritually recovering ever since. He shows up to the function in a boxy thrifted jacket, tiny sunglasses at night, finger tattoos that say things like “VOID” or “LOVE,” chipped black nail polish, and a tote bag with some obscure Berlin label on it. He drinks loose-leaf tea, rolls his own cigarettes, and keeps dropping lines like “the ... read more

I’m whelmed.

🌟 Risk It All, Cha Cha Cha, I Just Might

First and foremost, fuck MAGA Minaj. I’m not tiptoeing around it. It is genuinely depressing to watch one of the most important rappers of the last fifteen years willingly turn herself into a Republican grifter. And she chose to torch that legacy. Mocking women who experience domestic violence. Intimidating and threatening sexual assault and rape survivors. Spreading lies about trans people and punching down on LGBTQ+ kids. All while posturing as some brave truth-teller instead of what ... read more

Robyn is the architect of modern dance music. You do not get Charli xcx, SOPHIE, Kelela, Oklou, Rochelle Jordan, Sudan Archives without her. And honestly, this might be her greatest body of work. Almost every song here makes me want to cry while dancing, which is kind of the highest compliment I can give a dance record. You can feel the weight of her grief and loneliness all over this album, but it’s never self-pitying. It’s processed through movement, through release, through the ... read more

This is painfully generic. It genuinely sounds like 14 versions of the same song playing on loop. It’s completely devoid of personality or perspective, like someone fed “modern R&B” into an algorithm and hit generate. Diet Summer Walker in the most unflattering way.

Even as an R&B stan, I couldn’t get into this. The melodies blur together, the production is flat and anonymous, and the songwriting never gives me a reason to care. There’s no specificity or ... read more

I wasn’t a big fan of LOVE ON DIGITAL. Outside of “KISSING IN PUBLIC,” I found it pretty derivative and kind of bland. But a couple weeks ago, I threw on Destin’s Tiny Desk while I was having dinner with one of my good judys because R&B + freshly cooked lemon butter chicken, pasta, and wine is always the move. Halfway through, he started singing these jazz cuts I’d never heard before, and I was like… hold on. Come to find out, he dropped a jazz record in ... read more

This is the real successor to Kylie Minogue’s Fever. Straight-down-the-middle pop done almost perfectly, powered by ironclad hooks and pure dopamine rush euphoria. Every chorus hits, every synth glows, and the whole thing feels engineered to make your brain light up.

That said, I’ve always struggled a bit with Carly as a presence here. The songs are immaculate, but I don’t really get a strong sense of her personality beyond “girl experiencing feelings in a pop ... read more

This is technically my first Whitney album, even though it’s obviously not my first time hearing the voice. And after hearing her debut record, I agree with the critical consensus. This album is sonic whiplash. Jumping from track to track feels seriously disorienting, as we go from adult contemporary ballads to 80s dance-pop. I’ve always thought of Whitney as a singles artist first and foremost, and this record absolutely confirms that. The highs are sky-high. The rest is… ... read more

The Fame Monster is Gaga’s tightest work. It’s only eight songs, but it’s a fucking beast of a pop record, and took pop music to the absolute extremes of emotional spectacle. It is high fashion and lowbrow all at once. And it elevated Eurotrash synth-pop into something operatic.

🌟 Bad Romance, Alejandro, Monster, Speechless, Dance in the Dark, Telephone, Teeth

Whitney finally makes real progress fixing the issues that plagued her first two albums. You still get a couple bland, interchangeable ballads that feel like obvious Clive Davis requests, clearly there to maximize mass-market appeal rather than play to Whitney’s actual strengths or personality. But the key difference is that there are only two this time, not five or six clogging up the tracklist. Instead, the album mostly leans into uptempo material, and that’s where Whitney ... read more

I have basically the same issues with this record that I do with her debut, Whitney Houston, and I really don’t feel the need to relitigate all of that again. If you want my full critique of this album, just read my review of her debut and mentally apply it here too. The problems are the same.

That said, I do think this is the stronger of the two. Both albums hinge on all-time, untouchable pop songs. “How Will I Know” does that heavy lifting on Whitney Houston, and “I ... read more

MY EGO TOLD ME TO - 5.2

LMAO why does Leigh-Anne look like Plane Jane on the cover. I’m genuinely crying😭 😭 😭

Anyway, please welcome the newest Khia to enter the asylum.

This album lives in a very specific middle zone. Nothing here even comes close to touching the worst song on JADE’s album, but to be fair, everything here clears the best song on PERRIE’s. Which I guess means this record is, by definition, mid.

That said, I do think Leigh-Anne actually has a ... read more

Jason Derulo doesn’t make TikTok music. That would almost be generous. He makes YouTube Shorts and Instagram Reels music. He is genuinely one of the most prolific thieves in the industry, lifting whatever sound is circulating and sanding it down until it’s as personality-free as possible. There is absolutely nothing original happening here. No point of view, no curiosity, no growth.

The only reason this isn’t a 1.0 is because if “Sexy For Me” or "DELETE" ... read more

This record keeps getting compared to Taylor Swift, both here and on AOTY, and I really don’t think that’s the right reference point at all. The influence feels way more specific than that. This album is clearly pulling from Audrey Hobert’s Who’s the Clown? and that whole adjacent lane she occupies with Gracie Abrams. I think a lot of people are missing that because this is such a sanded, watered down version of what an Audrey record actually does well.

What makes ... read more

This is basically a watered-down version of their debut. Same sound, same instincts, just with far less urgency and personality. Where Days Are Gone felt fresh and confident, this feels like them running the formula back without the spark that made it work the first time.

Nothing here is actively bad, which is almost the problem. The songs blur together, the production plays it safe, and the emotional moments never quite land with the same clarity or punch. It sounds like a band unsure whether ... read more

Beyoncé is my favorite artist of all time, across every genre, no contest. And historically, her chemistry with Hov has produced some of her absolute best material. “Crazy in Love,” “Déjà Vu,” and “Drunk in Love” are all easily top-20 Beyoncé songs for me. When they lock in together, it usually feels electric.

Unfortunately, this album is electric in the way you get electrocuted for sticking a knife in a toaster.

EVERYTHING IS ... read more

This album is nothing ground-breaking, but it’s clearly successful at what it sets out to do.

🌟 New Shapes, Good Ones, Beg For You, Move Me, Baby, Lightning, Used To Know Me

Hot take: this is Frank Ocean’s best work. I genuinely love listening to this record, even though it still has the same issue I have with most of Frank’s music. Some of it is just… boring. Not low-key in a vibey or hypnotic way, but low-key in a way that can feel flat. At certain points, it feels more concept than catharsis, with pacing that drifts or meanders without much payoff.

The difference here is that he does that far less than on his later work. channel ORANGE is ... read more

Alright, Still is easily one of the most influential pop albums of the century. You can hear its fingerprints everywhere, from Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black to Olivia Rodrigo’s GUTS to Charli xcx’s BRAT. Lily Allen helped bring sing-speak delivery and hyperspecific, diaristic lyricism into the mainstream, proving pop could be conversational, petty, and sharp without sacrificing hooks.

The album’s most important weapon is Lily’s sharp tongue and total lack of ... read more

Fever is pure sugar-rush bubblegum pop. Every hook snaps into place with clockwork precision, and the whole album moves like a neon-lit dance floor at peak hour.

But what really makes this record stand out is how definitive this sound is. Fever is the blueprint for the sleek, high-gloss pop the mainstream pop machine has been chasing for years. You can hear its DNA in Dua Lipa’s disco-pop era, Ava Max’s maximalist hooks, Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Carly Rae Jepsen, and Katy Perry's ... read more