I wish it leaned harder into bangers and cut back on the ballads. When it goes loud and unhinged, it’s great. When it slows down, it loses momentum.
🌟 All-American Bitch, Bad Idea Right?, Vampire, Ballad of a Homeschool Girl, Get Him Back!
This album has zero redeeming qualities. It’s soulless from top to bottom, buried under a pile of clichés so thick it’s almost impressive. There’s genuinely nothing to salvage here. I could keep going, but Rich Juzwiak already said it better in his 2013 Gawker piece. If you think this album has anything meaningful to offer, start there.
🌟 None
Can Troye please stop defaulting to dreamy bedroom pop and fully lean into the club-banger lane already? His best moments happen when he turns the lights down, cranks the bass up, and actually commits to the dance floor.
🌟 Rush, One of Your Girls, Got Me Started, Honey
I used to think this was one of the best albums ever made, and a few years ago I would’ve given it a perfect ten without hesitation. Revisiting it now, it just doesn’t hit me the same way. It feels a bit safer and more basic than I remembered. That said, it’s still undeniably strong. Even when it doesn’t fully hit anymore, the vision, the confidence, and the songwriting are hard to ignore.
🌟 Dirty Computer, Crazy, Classic, Life, Take a Byte, Screwed, Django Jane, I ... read more
Not as strong as What’s Your Pleasure?, but still a really solid project. It keeps the confidence and polish, even if it doesn’t hit the same euphoric highs.
🌟 That! Feels Good!, Free Yourself, Pearls, Hello Love, Begin Again, These Lips
I take no pleasure in saying this but this album is: Pure. Fucking. Slop. It's completely soulless, almost dystopian in how empty it feels.
🌟 None
Even after sitting through her “most personal album yet,” to quote Mariah Carey, I still don’t know her.
🌟 None lol
His best and most cohesive album by far. The concept actually holds together, the sequencing is immaculate, and the melodies are unreal. Honestly, this might be Max Martin’s best production work ever. Every song feels locked into the same neon-lit afterlife, and it never loses momentum.
🌟 Gasoline, How Do I Make You Love Me?, Take My Breath, Sacrifice, Out of Time, Best Friends, Starry Eyes, Less Than Zero
Probably my favorite female rap album of all time. It’s sharp, funny, ruthless, and ridiculously replayable.
🌟 Stanka Pooh, Bullfrog, Boiled Peanuts, Denial Is a River, Catfish, Skipp, Wait, Boom Bap, Nissan Altima, Slide
Blonde might honestly be the most overrated album of the 21st century. It’s pretty, sure, but so much of it drifts by like background noise people decided was profound because they were told it was. Half the tracklist feels like unfinished sketches, and the minimalism crosses the line from subtle into straight-up empty. Everyone treats every mumble like poetry, when a lot of it sounds like Frank wandering in, whispering something vague, and calling it a day. It’s not a bad album, ... read more
I know this is one of my hotter takes, but this album feels wildly bloated and nowhere near as sharp as Ctrl. The songwriting isn’t as cutting, there’s no real cohesion, and the production blends into the general haze of modern R&B. The emotional edge that made her delivery sting before feels dulled here. This plays like a playlist, not a fully realized album.
🌟 SOS, Low, Used, Snooze, Gone Girl, Nobody Gets Me, Conceited, Special, Too Late, Far, Shirt, Open Arms, Good Days, ... read more
I know everyone keeps begging her for new music, but honestly, this would be such a perfect place to leave things. It’s her magnum opus. Loose, confident, emotionally sharp, and totally uninterested in chasing trends, it sounds like an artist who finally did exactly what she wanted and nailed it.
🌟 Consideration, James Joint, Kiss It Better, Desperado, Woo, Same Ol’ Mistakes, Love on the Brain, Higher, Pose, Sex With Me
A less interesting version of JAGUAR. The polish is still there, but the spark isn’t, and it never quite reaches the same effortless high.
🌟 Smoke, Alright, Cadillac (A Pimp’s Anthem), How Does It Make You Feel, On My Mama, Stop (Askin’ Me 4Shyt), Hollywood
The slinkiest, slickest R&B album in years.
🌟 Moment, Big Boss, Dive, We Might Even Be Falling in Love, Jaguar, Experience, Ass Like That, Go There With You, Touch Me
I’m honestly struggling to put this album into words, and I’d rather leave it there than force a description that doesn’t fit. It’s one of those records that works more on feeling than language, and every time I try to explain it, it slips away. Sometimes that’s the point.
🌟 Welcome to My Island, Pretty In Possible, Bunny Is a Rider, Sunset, Blood and Butter, Smoke, Billions
Is there anything super inventive about this album? No. But is it a deeply competent R&B record where every song hits? Absolutely. Sometimes execution matters more than innovation, and this nails the basics so well it barely needs anything else.
🌟 A Little Story, Wish I Never, Up at Night, More Than I Should, Altar, Melt, Tangerine
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Recent Review Comments
On CHUNJuwu's review of Madonna - Madonna
"I don’t mean to be a hater, but saying Madonna brought disco to the mainstream is historically inaccurate. The mainstream disco era had largely ended by 1979, especially after the Disco Demolition backlash. This record came out in 1983, four years after that cultural shift. I also wouldn’t classify this as a disco album. Does it take inspiration from disco? Sure. But it’s much more a reflection of the rise of 80s synthpop and dance-pop."
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