Oh, first he wants them dead and now they're worth a billion dollars? Make up your mind about their PRICE, VINCENT!
Heh heh. Ah yeah that's good stuff. The horror movie jokes are "where it's at" as far as today's teenagers are concerned, and that's where I come in. Let's look at some of the song titles on here. "Raped And Freezin'"? Yeah, like that woman in I Spit On Your Grave!

(*today's teenagers laugh and play with their Rubik's Cubes*)

"I Wanna Be Elected"? ... read more

This Phallus Pooper album has gone down in cinematic history as a "concept album" about high school, but that's a bunch of bogusry - there are only three songs about school on the whole damn album! Of the other six, three are based on West Side Story (which does NOT take place in a high school), and the remaining three are unrelated Cooper sickolalia. So why the "rock opera" tag? Because you can fold out the album cover into a school desk? Well whoopdeedoo. I can fold out my ... read more

Michael Bruce and Glen Buxton were a couple of hard rock guitar players, using dirty crusty early-'70s distortion to make young heads bang and old ears fall off. Each loved to solo of course (as we all do in this, the genre of smooth jazz), but they also wrote freaky-ice guitar riffs both belligerent and cathartic. Bassist Dennis Dunaway was one of those "frustrated guitarists" you read about in books about Chris Squire, writing full-fledged melodies on his machine and up-down ... read more

Alice Cooper's back!
But enough about the album cover. Easy Action nudges Alice and his glam-dressed group of filthy hippies another step closer towards the macabre/rock and roll hybrid that would propel them to superstardom in the early '70s. This one dumps the exterior ugly aspects of the debut, boasting stronger production, normal hard rock guitar tones and tons of wild dual-axe interplay. Unfortunately, it's still hindered by plenty of unutterably BAD 'experimental' passages and ... read more

Everybody has this image of Alice Cooper up there onstage hanging himself and flying around in a balloon with a skull and crossbones on it, but what most people don't realize is that not only did the band not create their macabre image until the third or fourth record, but Alice NEVER flew around in a balloon with a skull and crossbones on it! This image has been imprinted in all of our brains by a savvy bloodhungry media out to create controversy where none previously existed, but they'll have ... read more

I know this is obvious, but how am I supposed to resist pointing out that if you replace the first two words of the album title with "Worthless Fucking," you've got a pretty good idea of what Joe Strummer and his gang of scabs have recorded for your listening pleasure here. This record is offensively atrocious. With Mick out of the way, Joe tries to make every song recapture the lost glory of old school Clash (Give 'Em Enough Rope) by piling on the boring chord sequences, ridiculously ... read more

Cheese Louise, is this a weird album. Starts off innocuous enough, with the brash chanka chank rock of "Know Your Rights" (followed by the poppy reggae "Car Jamming" and the classics "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" and "Rock The Casbah"), but soon takes a weird left turn followed by a couple of swerves around in a circle before coming to a standstill somewhere in the middle of Amsterdam. Side two is so weird! Funk, sure, but what the hell is that other ... read more

Good lord. You know, with the teeniest bit of editing, this could have been a phenomenal single album, or even a really good double-album. But a TRIPLE-ALBUM??????? WHY THE HELL WOULD WE POSSIBLY WANT TO SIT THROUGH EVERY FRIGGIN' DUB REGGAE BLOOP THESE GUYS FEEL LIKE PUTTING ON TAPE????? Oh, enough bitterness. There really are some wonderful tracks on here; lots of dippy pop stuff ("Hitsville UK," "Somebody Got Murdered" - both great tracks), some delightful funk ("The ... read more

A total snore. Presumably in an attempt to refine their sound for popular American consumption, the Clashers have slowed everything down and made their songs longer without bothering to break from the three-chord pattern that, though perfectly suited to speedy angry little hardcore songs, renders a Tom Petty-length song boringer than a damn church sermon. Play it on 78 and maybe it kicks ass, but at thirty-three revolutions per minute, these songs lope along like mediocre mid-'80s glam metal. ... read more

An essential punk record. If you've already got Never Mind The Bollocks and Ramones, try your darnedest to pick this one up by the end of the week. It may be tinny, but almost every song books and bops along with the excitable reckless abandon of a bunch of scruffs getting a chance to make a record for the very first time! Mostly simple, poppy, and punky, the strength of these songs is multiplied ninety-fold by the rotten stinking cockney gruff shout of lead boy Joe Strummer. Ignore the happy ... read more

As a concept, I really like Chevy Chase. He put in hilarious performances in Caddyshack, Fletch and Vacation, so it's really easy to forget that he's also insulted our intelligence with dozens of instantly forgettable BAD movies like Cops And Robbersons, Deal Of The Century and Modern Problems. Hell, I can't even REMEMBER if I liked his performances in Funny Farm, Three Amigos and Spies Like Us! Did I? What about Foul Play? He had a funny bit part in that Norm McDonald movie Dirty Work that was ... read more

Dig your dog, Henry! Dig your dog, Henry! Dig your dog, Henry! Dig your dooooog!

Within three seconds of this CD starting up, you should either be dancing your head with abandonment glee or making an 'eww' face and wondering if you accidentally purchased the new Jon Spencer Blues Explosion LP. I'M THE FORMER.

But first let's talk about my dog's penis.

Even though Henry The Dog owns nothing resembling a ball on his body, the little pink thing inside his penis often shoots out to massive ... read more

With this double-CD, Cave dives into the most commercial waters of his entire career. Where his earlier music sounded predominantly like Nick Cave (with occasional flashes of Leonard Cohen and Johnny Cash), it now seems to suck influence from every successful radio act in the worldosphere, including Mitch Ryder, Peter Gabriel, The Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, Pink Floyd, Blind Melon, Jon Spencer, Pearl Jam, The Cure and even Bob Seger! This came as an extremely exciting surprise back in 2004, ... read more

JESUS! WHO FARTED IN MY EAR!?

Seriously, somebody keep Nick Cave away from his naked lady pictures before bed because this NOCTURnal AMAssion is leaving salty stains all over the sheets of my happiness!

The problem is simple: too many obvious songs. He gives us his most stylistically diverse selection since the mid-'90s -- four happy love ballads, two morose dirges and four actual UPTEMPO ROCK SONGS(!!!!)! Unfortunately the majority of the compositions sound, both musically and lyrically, as ... read more

Well, I bought a new guitar today. And it's.....

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EATING MY FACE!!!! .

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Okay, it's not really eating my face. But it sure is STUPID-looking, am I right who's with me? Here's Henry The Dog enjoying it for a moment:

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Yes, there's truly nothing like a stupid-looking guitar to get the pulse of Mark Prindle's arm racing with "I Gotta Have It"s! Interestingly, I'm pretty sure this is the ... read more

Oh no, look at that termite! IT'S BORING a hole in the wall! Thank goodness IT'S SO EXCRUCIATINGLY SLOW AND LETHARGIC, because now we have time to stop him in his tracks! How can he stand performing that MINDLESSLY REPETITIVE activity over and over again? This is hilarious, let's keep doing this. Now push the termite "INTO MY A

Probably bored sillypants with macabre songwriting after Murder Ballads, Mr. Cave decided to record an album of original Love Ballads -- some optimistic, some ... read more

Rumor claims you don't frequent FaceBook, so here are some of the knee-slapping status updates I've posted of late. I'm certain they'll have you saying, "Hey, he's filled with laughter and light! Why are his reviews so grave and unamusing?"

Mark Prindle just watched "Fletch Lives." SPOILER: Fletch lives.

Mark Prindle just watched Chevy Chase's "Funny Farm." A more appropriate title might have been "Farm."

Mark Prindle just watched "Death ... read more

Henry The Dog dreams almost every night. Usually it involves a bit of paw twitching and closed-mouth barking ("Brf! Brf!), but occasionally he'll toss in some tail wagging or an adorable little growl. We've caught him suckling a few times too, like a little puppy dog man. I obviously don't know for sure what his dreams entail (PUN HILARIOUSLY INTENDED!!), but here are a few possibilities:

1. He's trying to chew a knuckle bone but his teeth keep falling out.

2. He walks into the Dog Run ... read more

Oh what a jolly fun evening I've had here in the States. I went jogging with Henry The Dog, then tossed his leash onto his back so he could walk home at his own pace (i.e. slow and sniffing every goddamned thing in the world). But when I reached Park Avenue, I realized that he'd been standing at one point in the middle of the block for far too long. Upon investigation, I found the monster snout-deep in a garbage bag. So I yanked his snout out, stuck my hand in the bag, and felt chicken ... read more

And the Mersey Beat is bouncy! And I think the Searchers trouncey! Anyway I'm yearning for a Gerry and the P

It's a sad day indeed when a fella can't rouse a bit of laughter with a hilarious "Weird Al" Yankovic-style parody lyric. But between the horrific Earthquake disaster in Haiti (caused by their pact with the devil. True story!) and the unexpected death of young rock performer Johnny Stink or whatever his name was, there's just not much room for humor around here at the moment. ... read more