"The Death of Slim Shady" comes off like Eminem finally released a bunch of tracks that he wrote in 2016, and was too scared to previously release because of cultural pushback. Although I don't think this record is as bad as "Revival" or "Music to be Murdered By," it remains held back by Eminem's most groan-worthy tendencies, between his constant navel-gazing, whining about cancel culture, and this penchant to be as superficially offensive as possible. ... read more

Shockingly bone-chilling, enrapturing, and dynamic, Ulcerate's "Cutting the Throat of God" is an excellent contender for best metal album of 2024. The moody nature of the instrumentals remind me of a strange combination of traits from mid-00s Deftones, Opeth from the "Deliverance" era, and even some of Deafheaven without sounding like it's too over the top. Lucky for Ulcerate, I love all these bands. If I were to point toward one element that especially shines, ... read more

Lost five points for the Joel Osteen line, which was either Kendrick confusing Haley Joel Osment with Osteen, or doing an intentionally clumsy combination of the two people. Everything else in this track is perfect. Well worth the wait and feels as incredible as it did when it came out.

When I listened to this for the first time, it had me laughing out so hard that I started choking. Show this to any boomer who acts like the worst of music today is uniquely worse than previous eras. It's really not that different.

What human experience is "Killing for Revenge" supposed to represent? The instrumentals sound like generic royalty free tracks you might be able to find on YouTube - only with the treble elements completely drowning everything else. Meanwhile, you have these dreadful vocals, which neither sound brutal nor even outrageously funny enough to be entertaining for 47 minutes.

Certainly no one into metal will be turning to Six Feet Under for a quick fix. Nobody who's new to the genre ... read more

The TikTok era of pop has seen especially embarrassing and soulless lows. However, what Chappell provides in songs like "Good Luck, Babe!" is a genuine source of warmth: a timelessly great pop track that captures all the elements of heartbreak and communicates them in such riveting fashion. This song's production is fantastic, with hard-hitting drums, gorgeous synths, and, above everything else, Chappell's beautiful croons.

Had Kendrick Lamar not released ... read more

Musicians writing about music is a double-edged sword. Do it compellingly, and you have something like Frank Zappa's "Joe's Garage;" do it insufferably, and you end up with this disaster record, "The Astonishing." This is a release so bad that even Dream Theater itself has basically moved on from it. Today, most fans look back and wince at the existence of this album, or if they're lucky, they don't know it exists.

To start off by saying something nice: ... read more

"A Narrative Soundscape" will genuinely have you in stitches if you know the story behind it. Basically, the lead singer of Iced Earth, an otherwise legendary metal band, became conspiracy-pilled out the gourd, and caused all his bandmates to quit. He then released this record by his own. By the way, he's not only a Jan 6ther - after getting arrested for it, this guy pleaded guilty and then joined witness protection. You read that right - he's a fucking snitch! This makes ... read more

I was crazy about "Poodle Hat" when I was 10 years old. But more than age that kills the value of this record, it's the era of YouTube and meme culture. We now have access to countless parodies of popular songs; spoofs that are overwhelmingly unfunny, unspectacular, and whose punchlines can be best described as entirely referential. It naturally has given me an anathema to the vast majority of this album, as well as Weird Al's catalog.

To give this album props, it does ... read more

As a fairly big metal fan, I have always known that Black Sabbath's "Paranoid" played a huge role in the development of the greater genre. However, it was easy for me to take its impact for granted, and for a long time, I assumed the "legacy" of this record had more to do with what came after it than its own qualities. Now that I've heard "Paranoid" though, I can safely attest to the fact this album is really quite outstanding on the merits.

I've ... read more

If you thought 2010s hip hop/rock crossovers couldn't get worse than Kid Cudi's "Speeding Bullet 2 Heaven" or Logic's "Supermarket," I have bad news: 93PUNX's self-titled debut marks the last piece of an unholy trinity. It somehow combines the awful songwriting of the former and the total soullessness of the latter to create a spectacularly horrible experience.

Each and every track here is a miss. "3 Years Sober," "Fistfight!," ... read more

Camila Cabello's "C,XOXO" feels like an extremely cynical attempt to cash out on musical trends of the last 15 years, except they're all done strictly worse and with no additive value given to them. From the annoying poor man's Charli XCX single "I LUV IT" to the totally lifeless "June Gloom," there's zero originality or charisma here. Like, dude, what are these random Kanye West-ass auto-tuned vocal hooks, or that awful Drake feature track, ... read more

Following a great intro track in "HISS," the rest of "MEGAN" falls a bit short for me. But I think it's more a matter of personal taste than the album poorly executing anything in particular. Clearly, it's very committed and successful at conveying a clear, clapback-heavy, aggressive tone. To me though, the content of the record is difficult to engage with for 18 tracks and 51 minutes, and it's especially striking because I feel like this record isn't as ... read more

Many things can give you perspective on art well after you've initially engaged with it: additional experiences, maturity, maybe even the artist coming out on top of a feud against his biggest peer in hip hop. The point is that I've lately had some time to revisit Kendrick Lamar's "Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers." For whatever reason, be it a shift in my brain chemistry upon recently turning 30 years old or the fact that Kendrick is back in the public consciousness, ... read more

After an okay hook launches the song, "Tobey" sleepwalks its way to the finish. The instrumental is also pretty annoying in part because it's flat and doesn't have a good drop. It feels like Eminem recorded this in, like, 15 minutes. Nothing outrageously terrible or too tasteless in comparison with some of his more outrageous material, but this was not really fun at all - and worse, I thought Big Sean actually out-rapped him. Not a good sign.

When it comes to picking best records by Queen, "Sheer Heart Attack" is a fairly common pick alongside "A Night at the Opera." Featuring the best of Queen as a true rock band, as well as teasing a bit of the more arena-meets-opera sound they'd later become more known for, this record's a fun romp that mostly stands the test of time. Though the last four songs are filler, "Sheer Attack" is fast and raunchy enough to sound years ahead of its time and keep ... read more

I get why this has a low score, since it's Tom MacDonald and the track sucks. At the same time, I don't think this is significantly worse than Joyner Lucas' "I'm Not Racist," another terrible song that falls under a similar concept. Tell me with a straight face that this is as bad as "Whiteboy" or "Straight White Male" or anything from "The Brave" - Tom MacDonald has hit way lower lows than "Me vs. You."

Deafheaven did this whole depressive, overwhelming, brick wall of sound, post-metal thing much better. Throughout "Battle of the Broken," the singer's screeching sounds completely terrible, the composition is totally forgettable, and the production sounds like it was recorded inside a trash can. Without any additional twist on the sound that this band seems to be trying to emulate, its members come off like a borderline parody of the broader genre. Genuinely one of the least ... read more

Everyone with functioning ears can tell you that the self-titled track here is a classic, with one of the most iconic guitar solos ever. The real surprise, however, is how "Hotel California" takes a very quick decline toward "mid" afterward. Each of "New Kid In Town" and "Life in the Fast Lane" sound like unfinished or aimless versions of other songs from the country or rock genres. It's kind of like an alternate universe where Led Zeppelin or the ... read more

One of the most misunderstood Pink Floyd releases, "The Final Cut" is quite flawed in a few areas, yet extremely moving and beautifully tragic. Although it does not necessarily beat the Roger Waters solo album allegations, it's a record that I've nonetheless completely changed my opinion of over the years. Maybe it has to do with age, reflecting on childhood traumas, thinking more about the state of the world, and where I fit into it within the middle of my life; I've ... read more