EDIT: nvm i was smoking crack. this soundtrack slaps.

Dark Souls is fantastic game best played with the music off. Not only are the sound cues totally off and unfitting of the game's environment, but music itself is at best distracting, featuring amateurish fugues and entirely uncompelling vocal lines. What's supposed to sound medieval and epic ends up sounding like an overdone Kanye West beat left to die on Cruel Summer or any one of his other lesser projects. It isn't terrible by any means, ... read more

"Maybe I'm a human
Trying to click undo, man"

I felt that on so many levels.

One of the most ascendent songs of all time. Death Grips at their absolute most extreme. Seriously, I want somebody to put this in Clone Hero or something. I doubt you could play through the intro, let alone get an FC. Anyways, this is possibly the best track has ever put out, at least in terms of fulfilling their mission statement to absolutely annihilate musical boundaries. I hesitate to say that the single version is "worse" than the album version. The sparsity of the single makes ... read more

It's Duel of the fucking Fates.

Platformers have to be one of the most rudimentary genres of video game out there, alongside shooters (think Space Invaders) and sports games (think Pong). However, unlike the other two aforementioned genres, which have gone through so many permutations that they scarcely resemble even their most recent predecessors, little about the platformer has changed since the days of Donkey Kong and Super Mario Bros. You might have better visuals and a whole new dimension at your disposal, the formula is ... read more

"But the truth is, I miss ya. You were gone too soon.
You were like watching a beautiful sunset… at noon."

Okay, this is way too good of a line to be used on a fucking Epic Rap Battle of History.

Avey Tare was 20 years old when he wrote Alvin Row. Really sit with that for a moment. Most people don't make anything that profound, that cohesive, that defining until at least their 30's. Every 20 year old wants to be a great artist of some kind, but many don't find the impetus to make great art until their staring down the barrel of real maturity. Not Avey Tare. He would write one of the deepest, most tear-inducing tracks ever written at 20.

And yet, when would a better time to make such a ... read more

I never have and never will get how this album earned the reputation of being the ugly freak cousin of New Order's early, Joy Division-esque era. This album is honestly flooring with no exaggeration. Bernard Sumner's lyrics are at their usual level of depth and profundity, especially with the tragic suicide of Ian Curtis weighing on his mind. Consequently, this is easily the most tortured, melancholic record New Order ever put out. Instead of fun synths, we have droning bass; in the place of ... read more

Don't let the sickos convince you that this single isn't on par with Blue Monday.

Here's your fucking review, it sucks. It's every metalcore cliché wrapped into one edgelord shitpost album. Now for the love of God and all things holy, fuck out of my last.fm messages.

Okay, coming back to this album, it's really not that bad. I can see what Playboi Carti was trying to achieve with this record, and it really does have its moments. By the same token, he spends most of this album holed up in his own asshole, bogged down in the same sort of thoughtless, bloated lack of direction as the worst of Kanye West's creative impulses (consequently, good ol' Yeezy is actually featured on this album at one point, and his perfomance is, well, it is). Again, I must stress ... read more

Now I'm not necessarily saying I agree that this is the best album ever made, I'm just saying that it's earned the title. I've been listening to this since I was 16 and I'm still not tired of it, and I sincerely doubt I ever will be. It's the universal self-pitying kafkaesque dirge-out to soundtrack your dread to. And even though it's a 100 and deserves a well more though-out review than this, I refuse to write it. We've spent nearly 25 years trying to do justice to it via word, and it's just ... read more

Remember that scene in SpongeBob where Mr. Krabs smashes a bunch of Krabby Patties together and it somehow comes out as a satisfying looking pizza? This is that, the album.

Lesson learned - if you can't settle on a cohesive idea, just throw caution to wind and reveal your entire hand, and maybe, just maybe, your end product will be at least equal to the sum of its parts.

No, fuck it, I can't even ironically give this a 100. I mean, can you even imagine owning this thing? Like, "Hell yeah brother, put on that one BANGER where Ronnie "Trickle-Down" Reagan tricks poor people into perpetuating a system that hurts them and benefits the economic elite by exploiting their xenophobia and outright lying to them!" Fuck Reagan, I'm glad he's dead, hope he likes warm weather.

There's something deeply sad about Everlong. It's this nagging sense of nostalgia; of a time and place one wishes to return to but never can. As much as this song attempts triumph, it feels permanently stuck in the past. Ironically, this is a case in which the dated aesthetic actually retroactively compliments the bittersweet tone of the song. None of this is to say that the song sounds bad, far from it. Its incredible production is so sonically dense and stirring that it borders shoegaze at ... read more

Wasn't a good song until Phineas sang it.

A man who began his career as an angry, clamorous punk has evolved slowly in real time into the more tortured, sadder old man we see today. Nowhere is that better reflected than in this album's version of "The Mercy Seat", a song once famous for inspiring fear of death now seems to long for the freedom from pain that death brings. Nick Cave has suffered in all the ways life can possibly inflict on a man and lost more than you could ever know, so somehow, when he cries out "And I ... read more

Was and still is the best song to come out of the 2010's.

As any proper child in the 2000's did, I loved SpongeBob Squarepants, but it wouldn't be until adult that I would give serious consideration to the notion that SpongeBob might be the single greatest show in television history. I've seen your Breaking Bad's, your Mad Men's, and good though those shows may have been, they don't have the same universal appeal SpongeBob. Be real, everybody loves SpongeBob, no matter how old you are. Even my 54-year-old mom recalls various episodes, jokes and scenes ... read more