AOTY 2023
Dead Kennedys - Plastic Surgery Disasters
Being a woman in this country is difficult, but do you want to know what's more difficult than that? Being a lesbian woman- being a CONSERVATIVE lesbian woman... With a transGENDER WIFE (she had to spell Transgrandeur for me)
I get no respect from my conservative peers and family, always disrespecting my beautiful wife, sending me death threats in the mail. Not only do I have to deal with liberal propaganda on Instagram, I also have to block punches when I walk into my parents' house? It's ... read more
DJ Shadow - Endtroducing.....
Brass-faced Walter was a good friend of mine back in the 1970s. He had a goldish skin tone, a square-like head, and wore a deep maroon hoodie with a thick copper zipper. He had broad shoulders and stood a staggering six and a half feet tall. We would go fishing together on weekends, and while I was out working or conducting experiments in my garage, he was always on strange expeditions. Walter always used to tell me about his trips, but there was always something off about these tales, as if he ... read more
JAY-Z - Reasonable Doubt
As a hardcore hustler, it's no doubt that I'd acquire a hefty payload, but look at how my wealth has skyrocketed. I'm practically living in a mansion of gold at this point. Yours truly is sitting on a net worth of 83 billion dollars, and that number just keeps rising! How did I get ahold of all this money? Just your ordinary hustler activities, of course; up charging people in the ass for printer ink; stealing already profitable businesses and claiming them as my own; being born to rich parents ... read more
Fishmans - Long Season
Bonjour, ahem, h-heillo, I am famous ๐“•๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฌ๐“ฑ artisté Cráigold K. Robert, and today I will be painting, or possibly teaching you, reader, how to paint a pretty ๐“•๐“ป๐“ฎ๐“ท๐“ฌ๐“ฑ sunset. First we find ouiselves a wooden stool, maybe Pedunculate oak seat would fit you, ah ha, I digress. You shall want yourself a ๐˜—๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ฆ easel, a palette, a peu pinceaux, maybe even that stool I was talking about. For le paints, you will need ... read more
This year, my parents finally invited me to Thanksgiving dinner. It had been 3 years since they last invited me, but I have finally regained their trust. In 2018, the last time I was there, I had burned the turkey, and bathed my dad in steaming cranberry sauce, but this year, that will not happen again. I packed my bags and drove to Chicago O'Hare airport, and I flew all the way down to Atlanta, where my parents live. My flight was comfortable, as I finally got to spend my AOTY cash on first ... read more
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Tomorrow night will be spooky, and that's because Craigold and his clown crew are going out on the town, and getting ourselves some candy. But back in September I astral projected myself so far into the future that I was able to see visions of what will happen tomorrow, and here is the story, from the future.

My group consists of my friends Alan, Diana, Emmett, and José. Alan was dressed as Sauron from The Lord of The Rings, Diana wore a boat around her waist, wielded a cutlass in her ... read more

Joanna Newsom - Ys
Ayo Waddup, Toni Strombolli here, you can call me Craigold, today I'm gonna be showing you how to suck your own dick in FIVE EASY STEPS. And ladies (which I know a lot of them are here) don't you worry, because I'll be showing you the old Ouroboros trick - after class, ahaha, if you know what I mean. ๐Ÿธ
First, you're gonna wanna lie down on a soft surface, a bed, a carpet, a furry's pelvic bone, whateva, and you might need to rest your head on something a bit propped up as well, a pillow ... read more
Miles Davis - Kind of Blue
I've been on this small alcove of the internet for a year now, so I think it's time for a celebration.
Just hopped off the plane from Cuba, was just paying 2pac and David Bowie a visit, but my birthday was just around the corner, so I needed to plan. I called my good friends Greg Harris, Kevin Parkers, and Mr. Stevens. I would invite Jenny, but she's been dead for years... I miss that sheep... Who cares though. I drove my Cadillac El Dorado to the supermarket, took a few creepshots of some ... read more
Tones And I - Welcome To The Madhouse
๋ง›์žˆ๋Š” ์–‘๋…์ธ ๊ณ ์ถ”๋ƒ‰์ด๋Š” ๋ฒ ์ด๊ธ€๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ํ”ผ์ž, ์˜ค๋ ˆ์˜ค๊นŒ์ง€ ๋ชจ๋“  ์Œ์‹์— ์˜ฌ๋ ค์š”. ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋งˆ์š”๋„ค์ฆˆ์™€ ๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์–‘ ๊ณ ์ถ” ๋ƒ‰์ด์— ๋„ฃ๋Š” ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์˜ ์™„๋ฒฝํ•œ ์กฐํ™”์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์–‘ ๊ณ ์ถ” ๋ƒ‰์ด์— ๋ฌด๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์ •ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋…ผ๋ฆฌ์ ์ด์ง€๋งŒ ๋ง์„ ๋ฏฟ์„ ์ˆ˜๋Š” ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋ง์€ ๋ณ€๋•์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ƒ๋ฌผ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
Attention AOTY users, Craigold has contracted HIV and needs your attention! ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿด Attention AOTY users, Craigold has contracted ... read more
Tkay Maidza - Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 3
Oh how I love farts. I've been infatuated with flatulence ever since my childhood. It all started when my mother, who was breast-feeding my 12 younger siblings, pushed out the fattest, most jagged flatus I had ever heard. I was in awe. Another time, this had to have been the 5th grade, my hottie teacher broke wind so loud, the entire school must've shook. The rest of the class laughed, but little did they know that was my sexual awakening. Another instance of my gas kink being formed was the ... read more
Portishead - Dummy
Amish life is not easy, but it's even more difficult when you have outsiders trying to ruin your day. I was going about, like a normal Amish citizen, harvesting some grain, when a goose-faced, wisecracking, suited old egg rattled his shaky bones from out of the forest, and over my way. I thought "Oh wonderous, another disturbed wrinkle suit halting my harvest." The old slobber-nut claimed to be a politician from out of state, which immediately sparked my disinterest. You see, here in ... read more
Danny Brown - Atrocity Exhibition
Sorry I've been gone recently, I was just dealing some drugs, but I have a story to tell about it. I was in an alleyway, cooking up my all-purpose flour, as you do, when an oily police man hollered at me. I glanced at him, and returned to my work. He shuffled his way through the trash bags and needles, and stood next to me. I didn't like how he was intruding on my space, so I asked him to shove off. He replied with, "Can I have some of that?" which confused me, I don't know what use ... read more
Standing On The Corner - Standing On The Corner
Guys, PLEASE, I AM a terrorist! It doesn't matter that I haven't caused any harm to anyone, I'm just a little shy. I hate all these people telling me I'm not threatening, and it hurts my feelings. I try my hardest to be a menace to society, but all of you just write me off like I'm nothing. I'm too nervous to put on a suicide vest, I might die! And I don't have a pilots license, so how am I supposed to hijack a plane - It's against the rules after all... And all these kids bullying me online ... read more
Nirvana - In Utero
I'm really sick. slugs are dripping from my damn nose like my grandma's leaky kitchen faucet. I can't stop sneezing either. Whenever I achoo, a little chunk of cartilage gets darted across the room, or, because I'm responsible, into my arm. I can't even eat a granola bar without wanting to keel over and spew my guts on the bathroom tiles. I had plans today, but the god's struck me down with a mysterious illness. I just have to sit at my desk with this beige box of tissues. I have a way to clean ... read more
It's April 30th, and DJ Khaled has released his... Shit, how many albums does this guy have? Besides the point. Today is the day: I met meet DJ Khaled. I was headed on my way to Miami anyways, so this would be the perfect pitstop. I pulled my Cadillac El Dorado next to a fountain of what I presume to be Khaled peeing. What a strange entrance, but this was Khaled, so what do I expect. And look at what we have here, some security guards. I told them that I was a fan of DJ Khaled's music since my ... read more
Porter Robinson - Nurture
I'm a J-walker, and I'm proud. The law is always pestering me use the crosswalks, but what do I look like? A pussy? Well, you are what you eat after all. I don't ONLY J-walk though, I play frogger on the highways. I've only been hit 2 times, and look at how I came out: completelyyyyy fineee. I can scientifically prove that I'm the ballsiest pedestrian in my town... By jumping from a bridge onto a busy freeway. And I'm going to do it right now...!
So now, I've arrived at the The Lilac Road ... read more
Kanye West - JESUS IS KING
Fuk you Creggold. Your reviews are as pointless as your existence on this platform. You don't even write about the music. Instead, you just slap a 100 on anything remotely good and talk about sex. I'm sick of your lazy shitposting on this super serious music rating website. Every time you write a nonsensical piece of satire on here, it makes a part of me die. I remember when this site was about sharing your musickal taste and writing essays on why In The Aeroplane Over The Sea is the greatest ... read more
The Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour
Happy EASTER ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰ you snow ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฐ BUNNY hoes! It’s time to HOP ๐Ÿƒ‍โ™‚๏ธ over to DADDY’s โ›ช๏ธ CHURCH so he can fuck ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ u like a RABBIT. Be sure to ride that COCK ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ† until your EASTER BASKET is full of EGGS ๐Ÿฅš๐Ÿฅš๐Ÿฅš and DADDIES CUMMIES ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’–. After that u better BUNNY hop your way to GOD’s ๐Ÿ™Œ house so the PASTOR๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿคต can tell u to get on your KNEES until you’re FORGIVEN in the EYES๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ of the LORDโ›ช. JESUS๐Ÿ‘ผ is ... read more
The Clash - London Calling
Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
I love toothpaste. When my first teeth started growing in, I would always brush them twice a day. I loved doing it; it was my addiction. About the time I turned 8, I realized that you can swallow the toothpaste once you're done, so, I would do that. My brother and mom would always tell me it's not healthy, but what do they know? They haven't even tried to comprehend the complex flavors of animal crackers and Colgate, or the wonders of crest on toast. Typically, on an average day, I'll grab a ... read more
Create an account to rate and review albums.
Recent Review Comments
On Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
"@Up4life You're imagining things I'm not real I'm not real I'm not real I'm not real nothing is real it's all a dream."
On Dead Kennedys - Plastic Surgery Disasters
"Note: This review (and all other Craigold reviews) are written by a trans lesbian girl. Do not be sour to one another, peace. โœŒ"
On Joanna Newsom - Ys
"@windy it's what I do ๐Ÿ˜Ž And please tell me if the hordes of babes and cute boys are getting overwhelming, I can take care of them by myself ๐Ÿ˜"
On Tones And I - Welcome To The Madhouse
"@dontmindme why would I not? ๐Ÿ™„"
On Tkay Maidza - Last Year Was Weird, Vol. 3
"@YeezyWazGud Well I thought it was pretty funny ๐Ÿ˜ช"
On Portishead - Dummy
"@chode ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ๐Ÿคฌ"
"stop laughing please I'm being locked up and forced to write sex reviews please stop supporting my captors."
On Marvin Gaye - What's Going On
"@mediocre_feet this is original content brought to you by the Craigold manufacturing company. Thank you for your review."
On landlalt's review of This Heat - Deceit
"Peewee herman"
On Vanilla Ice - Hot Sex
"@realrealweasel YOU WANNA FIGHT ME????? THIS IS MY SEX. MINE."
On Dick's review of PewDiePie - Coco
"@gdf both realities are poor"
On PorneliusHubert's review of 100 gecs - 1000 gecs
"gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec gec"
On Playboi Carti - Whole Lotta Red
"love you too ๐Ÿ˜˜"
On Metallica - Master of Puppets
"I have better ones"
On Stirfriedcurry's review of Eminem - Killshot
"*cums on you*"
"ohhhh. Thank you. I will give her my son's eyeballs. He doesn't need them anyway"
On 181818's review of Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly
On Ryannvinluan01's review of Ariana Grande - Positions
"I've followed over 10,000 people, but I would never stoop so low to give you a follow."

November Playlist