Caroliner records don't get much more musical than this one, so if possible, this might be the best spot to "dive right in" to their "swimming pool" of "chlorinated" eccentricities, especially since there's no "Lifeguard on Duty." The melodies are brought more to the surface of the noise, the band actually attempts to play the songs correctly all the way through, an actual non-bouncing-on-a-trampoline drummer is present to keep each track swinging to a ... read more

Free jazz meets electric blues! This is one of the most unique records that I have ever heard, still to this day - 32 years after its release. Before I'd listened to it for the first time, a friend warned me, "It's not music. It sounds like a bunch of guys playing completely different songs at the same time." And when you put it in the old CD licker, you may very well be in for a shock first time round! It is ODD. It kind of sounds like a bunch of normal guitar songs that have been ... read more

In an interview with Terrorizer magazine, drummer Paul Mazurkiewicz stated his thoughts on the album saying: "yeah I mean it's not a bad album."

"Yeah," says a MEMBER OF THE BAND, "I mean it's not a bad album."

Really, what greater endorsement could you possibly need? If ONE OF THE FIVE PEOPLE WHO WROTE AND PLAYED ON THE RECORD insists that yeah he means it's not a bad album, I think we're all in agreeance that a Grammy can only be in the offing.

Evisceration ... read more

There is a point in many bands' life when you're tempted to ask, "Wait - is this even the same band anymore?" For Pink Floyd, it came with the firing of Richard Wright before The Final Cut. For The Ramones, it came with Dee Dee's resignation after Brain Drain. For Napalm Death, it came when they replaced the entire band between side one and side two of their first album. Well... I'm afraid to say it, but for Cannibal Corpse, that time is now.

Okay, it passed.

Nevertheless, that time ... read more

It's the craziest thing - my wife doesn't like this band. Which is fuckin' weird considering how much she likes the Pixies. Nevertheless, I shall continue my insightful retrospective regarding a band I've long considered "The Pixies of Florida" - Cannibal Corpse.

When Frank Black sat down to write "Rotted Body Landslide" in 2003, he li - wait a minute! No, I didn't mean "Frank Black"! Ha ha! Can you believe that? Ha ha! I've made a fool of myself live on the ... read more

There were a lot of wet panties out there in the audience the night Gore Obsessed came out. But enough about Cannibal Corpse's incontinent fan base; weren't we all just a little bit Gore obsessed back in 2002? When George Bush stole the 2002 election and enacted his "Warm That Globe" initiative? Thankfully, history's most extravagant Vice-President is once again in the limelight with his hit film Saw III, so we'll never have to miss Gore's Vidal signs ag - never mind.

Unfortunately ... read more

Fantasy beasts, zombies and singing victims abound here on Cannibalc Orpse's Bloodthirst, along with tons of fast technical note riffs -- thankfully doubled rather than uglily harmonized. The 'Orpse throw in some awfully bizarre note combinations too, reminiscent of the band's screwball early material. On the down side, there is some straightforward dull thrash in there, and the songwriting does start to feel awfully samey after a while. Still, the overriding effect is that of an extreme metal ... read more

When Cannonball "Adderly" Corpse decided to release their sixth album, Gallery Of Suicide, in 1998, I thought, in 2007, "Wouldn't it be funny if I reviewed this one by listing the Top Yahoo! News Headlines of the day and then responding to them as if they were ACTUALLY referring to this album?" We all thought this idea was hilarious so let's get started with today's CrAzEe box of comedy:

"Gunmen attack Somali president's palace in capital" - Yeah, I know! They're ... read more

I guess it's no coincidence that Vile spelled backwards is Evil!

(don't write in about that)

As overstated in the previous review, singing minstrel/balladeer Chris Barnes told the band to "Eat a dick" after their fourth and worst album together, so who did they find to replace him with but none other than may I introduce you to the legendary Monstrosity vocalist GEORGE 'CORPSEGRINDER' FISHER! Fresh from pairing adjectives and nouns into such impressive song titles as "Immense ... read more

With the addition of guitarist Rob Barrett, Cannibal Corpse herein adopts two lazy musical gimmicks that drive me up the G.Damned wall: (1) false harmonics out the wazaaaaap, and (2) ugly harmonized dual-guitar riffs. If you don't know what false harmonics are, go grab any Ozzy album with Zakk Wylde on it. Hear that annoying high "gwooo" noise he keeps making? That's a false harmonic. If you don't know what ugly harmonized dual-guitar riffs are, listen to Thin Lizzy's "The Boys ... read more

Their most offensive lyrics ever! The top of the heap! I'm a High School Principal and I'm gonna make "Entrails Ripped From A Virgin's Cunt" your daughter's prom theme!

This is the third and final installment in the "Cannibal Corpse playing 5 billion different deranged parts in every song" CD series. After this one, with the loss of Bob Rusay, things would unfortunately take a turn for the less interesting. So enjoy it while you can, Nibal Corpse!

Good old Nibal Corpse. ... read more

Butchered By Bees is stylistically similar to the first album, but with a heavier and less reverbed guitar tone. The murders are more sexual this time, and simply filled-to-busting with warm mutilation! The tracks feature lots of blastbeats, fast downbeat pounding, speedy individual-string picking, midtempo headbanging, sharp-fingered doodly-doodlies and fun time signatures. There are surprisingly few propulsive thrash backbeats to be found, but The 'Corpse makes up for it with tons more great ... read more

Man, reviewing death metal is HARD! Even thrash bothers to stick to the traditional "intro/verse/chorus/verse/chorus/middle part/verse/chorus" pattern, but once you cross the tippy point into death metal, suddenly you're looking at "intro/another part/another part/another part/another part/another part/another part/one of the first five parts again, but with a different drumbeat/another part/intro again/one of the first five parts again, but not the same one as before, and this ... read more

I'm not ashamed to say that I love Canned Hamm. I saw them in concert twice again last week (July 2003) and laughed, lived and loved just as hard and long as I did upon first sight a couple of years ago. This time I even had the wife with me (somebody's wife - not sure whose), and she loved 'em too! They have four GRATE new songs called "Who Needs A Hug?," "A Spanish-Sounding Thing About Fish And Tacos Whose Name I Can't Remember," "Giddy-Up!" (which takes their ... read more

I love Christmastime. Buying gifts for family, trimming the tree with blinky lights and dog ornaments, unwrapping sexploitation movies in front of my parents -- but most of all, I love Christmas music.

That's not true, but I had to get to the next paragraph somehow. Every year, my parents and brother fly to NYC to spend Xmas Yuletime with The Mark Prindle Family(TM), so I get to DJ the occasion with all of my favorite Christmas records. In seasons previous, the Prindle Klan has been subjected ... read more

Before we begin, let me just say that whoever decided stealing cars and ramming them into houses is illegal should have put up a sign or something. But I'm not here to complain about the "police" and their "bullshit"; I'm here to review a Canadian album so gay it might as well be called Canned Hamm Packed By The Guess Who. I'm referring, of course, to Erotic Thriller, a XXX-related parody of Michael Jackson's chart-topping 1

I'm, of course, referring to Erotic Thriller, ... read more

With the fastest turnaround in music reviewing history, last night I had never heard of this band and today I'm giving their CD a perfect 9. But hang you on one jiffy: that score of 9 can be a bit misleading. See, this is a release that you can only buy from the band themselves when you see them play live. And that's the key here -- I cannot objectively (ha!) surmise the quality of this CD because the songs will forever be linked in my head with the duo's hilarious live show, which I watched ... read more

A piece of shit reunion album, featuring the original five members. Malcolm Mooney still sounds like he's retching up little bugs (preferably beetles) all over the studio floor. The other guys have gotten older budweiser. And boringer. They certainly sound like they're having a good time, but the music sounds more like a Talking Heads reunion than a Can reunion. The "grooves" are stupid grooves. Grooves anybody could write in 30 seconds. And there's nothing "progressive," ... read more

Mr. Holger Czukay might take a bit of offense to the title of this record, but hey, who quit? Me? No! Not me at all! Somebody else entirely! Doesn't matter. This album really isn't very good. Most of the songs are discoey and kind of jokey-ish with silly circus keyboards and fuzzed-out guitars playing silly "can-can" music, apparently as a pun on the band's name. It does have two great tunes - the typically Canlatin "All Gates Open" and an awesome piano piece called ... read more

Whoa! Where the hell did Holger Czukay go? QUIT CAN??? IT WAS HIS BAND!!! Aw sheesh. Well, the other fuggers continued on in that same funky Latin vein. Might as well have changed the name to Cantana! Ha ha ha! Get it? Like Santana? Or Cantina? Or Metacarpus?

You know, this record grooves along with a greally reat multithumpityshickashicka latin feel until track five, when the band suddenly turns into the Bee Gees. KEEP YOUR DISCO OUT OF MY GOOD BANDS, PLEASE.

Except, of course, Can. They ... read more